It is important to give children the chance to act independently and make their own decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

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Educating
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is an ever-challenging task. Some recent parenting theories suggest that offspring should be given
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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independence when it comes to
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and decision-making at an early
age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Due to
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their lack of maturity at
this
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stage and the possible long-lasting consequences of their wrong decisions, I totally disagree with
this
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approach.
Firstly
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, young
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are not mature enough to realize how the world really works. But what does maturity really mean? Maturity represents the experience gained throughout the life cycle, the one which helps people distinguish good from evil,
right
Correct word choice
and right

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from wrong. At an early
age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, it's impossible for
children
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to have
such
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experience and to use it when needed.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

tend to believe that everyone around them is as caring and loving as their family;
therefore
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, they are an easy target to people with hazardous intentions,
such
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as
pedophiles
Change the spelling
paedophiles

The spelling of pedophiles is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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, kidnappers etc. In order to avoid
this
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kind of people, it's advisable that especially at an early
age
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not take actions without their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

' approval.
Secondly
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

taking
Correct your spelling
making

The word taking doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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their own decisions at early stages might result in irreversible consequences later in life.
For example
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who have peers that smoke, drink alcohol, or even take drugs, might get curious to try them as well, enhancing their chances for regular use. If
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

hide
this
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

from their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they will cause permanent
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage

It seems that damages may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to their health. Considering
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this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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options and their potential drawbacks, young
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's decision-making without their
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

' guidance, is completely unacceptable. In conclusion, we cannot expect
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with neither life experience, nor a realistic view of the consequences of their actions, to behave and make decisions independently.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

only emphasizes their need for
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's

It seems that this noun form may be incorrect.

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advise
Replace the word
advice

The word advise doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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and protection, at least until the
age
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of 18.

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Task Achievement
Consider incorporating a more balanced view by acknowledging some benefits of children making independent decisions, even if you ultimately disagree. This can strengthen your argument by showing awareness of differing perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects to the main argument and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence and make it easier for the reader to follow your reasoning.
Task Achievement
While the examples are relevant, adding more specific or varied examples could enhance the points made and help to illustrate your arguments more vividly.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear position with a strong thesis statement in the introduction, making your stance on the issue evident from the beginning. This is an effective way to engage the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of your essay is largely logical, with well-defined paragraphs each focusing on specific points. This helps in maintaining a good flow throughout the essay.
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