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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
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The three pie charts illustrate the average proportion of three various nutrients, namely
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
, in four different meals in the USA. If these types of nutrients
be
Change the verb form
are
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  overeaten, they can lead to
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 problems.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
the
Change the article
a
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 large amount of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
consumed
Add a missing verb
is consumed
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in
Change preposition
at
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dinner
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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 the highest percentage of
consumption
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 is related to
snacks
Use synonyms
. The first chart (
Sodium
Use synonyms
) shows
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equal percentages of
sodium
Use synonyms
 (14%) consumed in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and breakfast,
while
Linking Words
dinner
Use synonyms
 stood the first rank with 48%. Approximately a
third
Linking Words
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 ate in lunch. Looking at the
second
Linking Words
 Chart (Saturated fat),
it is clear that
Linking Words
 37% and 26% of
this
Linking Words
 nutrient
consumed
Add a missing verb
is consumed
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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dinner
Use synonyms
 and lunch respectively.
Snacks
Use synonyms
 and breakfast are responsible for
Use synonyms
consumption
Add an article
the consumption
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 of 21% and 16% of saturated fat in turn. The
last
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in which
snacks
Use synonyms
 (42%) and
dinner
Use synonyms
 (just under a
third
Linking Words
) ranked
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second
Linking Words
 in turn in terms of
consumption
Use synonyms
 of extra
sugar
Use synonyms
.19% of added
sugar
Use synonyms
consumed
Add a missing verb
was consumed
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 in lunch, followed by breakfast with 16%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "second, third".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, dinner, consumption, snacks with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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