IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

#countries #children #work #people
It is thought by many that when young ones are involved in the
job
 at an early
age
, it helps them, while others see it as an inappropriate action.
This
 essay argues that while, indulging young people in
work
 at the early
age
 enables them to gain initial experience, it rather distracts them from their studies. On the one hand, Many people believe that, when young ones are involved in
work
 at the early
age
 it makes them responsible.
In other words
,
this
 will help them to understand the specific skills required at
work
 and gauge the effort required to earn money,
hence
 they learn the value of money.
For example
, A survey conducted at The Stanford university found that, the average spending of the students who were paying their own tuition fees was 50 percent less than of those, whose fees were paid by their parents.
However
, many times they meet people at
work
 whose company influences them adversely.
On the other hand
, When young people are involved in earning money, they compromise with their studies. It is to say that, when they are working they are not able to spend enough time on their studies and nowadays education require too much attention,
therefore
this
 is wrong.
For instance
, One of my friends started doing the
job
 in parallel with his masters, even though in the bachelors degree he got 80 percent marks, due to simultaneous working and learning he ended up with 50 percent marks in the masters degree.
Therefore
, it is necessary to understand that, today education is demanding and requires full attention. In conclusion, Even though, involving people in a
job
 at a young
age
 can make them aware about the
job
 environment, it is strongly recommended that, they should be given enough free time to pursue their education.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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