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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the number of social networking sites people used in Canada in 2014 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #sites #people #canada #summarise #features #comparisons
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The bar chart shows the
number
 of social networking
sites
 visited by the people of Canada in the year 2014 and 2015.
Overall
, Canadians preferred to access one
site
 at a time (36% in 2014 and 28% in 2015) when using
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
. Surprisingly, there are still a great
number
 of people who don’t visit social media
sites
 with 22% in 2014 and a decrease of 1% in the following year. Focusing
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
number
 of users in relation to
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
sites
 opened, an obvious decline in figures can be observed for both years. 2014 have the highest percentage but was limited to one
site
 only. The same
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 was
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
displayed by users in 2015 with 28
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Interestingly, if we compare the drop in the percentage of users versus
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
number
 of
sites
 being open at a time, 2014
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
 gap than 2015. From 36%(1site) to 23% (2sites) to 12%(3sites) to 5%(4sites) to 2% (5sites).
While
 the following year
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 from 28%, 24%, 16%, 8%, to 4% respectively. In conclusion,
while
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the Canadians use one
site
 at a time, there is an insignificant
number
 of them who are starting to explore simultaneously other
sites
.
Submitted by pink.emotionn on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, sites, site with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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