IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#obesity #countries #support
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These days and ages, with the advent of urbanization and the rise in popularity of fast
food
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, the rate of overweight people are growing.
This
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problem
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 is specifically relevant and even prevalent across the affluent nations. Now in
this
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 essay we will certainly analyse and figure out a way to solve
this
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problem
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.
To begin
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 with, we cannot deny the fact that fast
food
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 is incredibly popular in wealthy countries like USA and England. Indeed, in these developed countries,
food
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 advertising often encourages people to purchase sugary drinks, high-fat snacks and other unhealthy
food
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.
This
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 situation is compounded by the fact that individuals in these nations suffer from the lack of proper guidance about the nutritional value of the
food
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 being consumed by the consumers on a large scale and they
also
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 are not aware of health risks.
Therefore
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, a bad eating habits are followed by these unaware people.
Moreover
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, a sedentary form of lifestyle is another major reason that leads to obesity. The people who spend long hours doing work and are stuck behind a desk are more likely to engage in an overweight
problem
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. Notwithstanding the severity of the fatness
problem
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,
however
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, there are a number of ways in which developed countries could combat it more effectively.
Firstly
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, governments should raise public awareness about the harms caused by fatty foods and encourages them to have a sensible eating plan. Junk
food
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 advertising should be tightly controlled or banned by government altogether.
Furthermore
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, people who suffer from sedentary lifestyle should be encouraged to do exercise on a daily basis.
This
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 physical activity might help people to burn off some calories.
For instance
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, people are prone to obesity
problem
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 should be have easy and instant access to public exercise centres that are provided and advertised by governments. In conclusion,
although
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 fatness is a dire issue in the developed world, if the above mentioned steps are taken, the situation will surely improve in the near future.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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