The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries in 1999 and 2004.

The tables below give information about sales of Fairtrade-labelled coffee and bananas in 1999 and 2004 in five European countries in 1999 and 2004.
The tables illustrate the data about the trading of
coffee
and
bananas
at Fairtrade-labelled in five European countries during 1999 and 2004 in millions of
euros
.
Overall
,
initially
Add a comma
,initially
show examples
the highest
sales
of
coffee
are made in
Switzerland
, but eventually
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
had more
sales
.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bananas
vending was high in
Switzerland
for the given years.
The
Correct article usage
Coffee
show examples
coffee
sales
in the UK
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
1.5
million
euros
in 1999, but by 2004
this
has reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20
million
euros
.
However
, in
Switzerland
and Denmark, the
sales
accounts
3
Change preposition
for 3
show examples
and 1.8
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
in 1999,
while
in 2004
this
was 6 and 2
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
.
Moreover
, Belgium and Sweden sold 1 and 0.8
million
euros
of
coffee
and
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
the
sales
were 1.7 and 1
million
euros
.
On the other hand
,
bananas
Change the noun form
banana
show examples
sales
in
Switzerland
in 1999 and 2004 were 15 and 47
million
euros
,
while
in the UK
this
was 1 and increased gradually to 5.5
million
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
euros
.
Whereas
, in 1999, Belgium and Sweden
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
traded 0.6 and 1.8
million
euros
, and eventually
this
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached 4 and just 1
million
euros
.
Finally
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Denmark, 2
million
euros
of
bananas
are sold
initially
, but in 2004
this
decreased to 0.9
million
euros
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, initially, while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, bananas, euros, sales, switzerland, million with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fairtrade sales
  • significant growth
  • trends and patterns
  • market expansion
  • sustainable consumption
  • ethical products
  • consumer awareness
  • economic impact
  • percentage increase
  • market share
  • profit margins
  • trade initiatives
  • consumer behavior
  • retail figures
  • economic indicators
What to do next:
Look at other essays: