IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children #fault #parent
Ever since fast
food
 has come in the market sector,
obesity
 among children rose drastically. According to some people, parents are responsible for
obesity
, others,
however
, believe that the
government
 has a big impact on the rising
obesity
 among children. In my view both are responsible.
To begin
 with, there is a plethora of reasons why parents are responsible for rising
obesity
.
First
 and foremost, a lot of parents are uneducated;
hence
, they are oblivious about nutrition,
that is
 why they feed their children whatever feel or think is good for them,
as a result
, most.
For instance
, there is a plethora of fast
food
 shops who often tempt children to eat,
thus
 most parents go along with children and eat, in order to make their children happy.
On the other hand
, the
government
 is
also
 accountable because they have authorities to ban fast foods or any
food
 which has an enormous amount of fat content.
For instance
, there are multiple harmful oils' brands which people import from different countries, these should be banned, as well as the
government
 ought to facilitate healthier oils to serve in cooking. The local governments need to encourage people to consume
food
 which has less contained fat.
Therefore
, some people consider that the
government
 is
also
 responsible towards in the rising percentage of
obesity
 in young children. To sum up, I would say that it is not solely the parents' responsibility, to some extent, the
government
's reluctant behaviour is accountable too in increasing
obesity
 among children.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!