IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many cities an increaing number of people do not knowtheir neighbours and there is a lack of sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

#cities #people #knowtheir #neighbours #lack #sense #community
In the metros the major issue within the community is lack of interpersonal
relationship
 and I think it may be due to the replacement of dependency with self sustainability.
However
, if it is being followed for the long, gradually our neighbours will become aliens. So I think a periodic get-together among the communities will encourage in expanding the life span and warmth of the
relationship
. Admittedly, by the emergence of
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 and modern gadgets, dinning room culture was changed to chat room culture,
thus
 it makes distant one closer and closer one distant and it
eventually lead
Suggestion
eventually leads
 to the decline in warmth and love
among
Suggestion
between
 the family members.
Then
 how we can expect it in the society?
Secondly
, due to the hectic work schedule of the modern society, they
wont
will not
won't
 be having sufficient time to get along with their neighbours or peer group.
However
, in the cities the neighbours were not permanent as that of countrysides, so
the the
definite article
the
 shorter span of stay and self sustainability has made people more selfish in the urban areas. So I would like to say that by conducting periodic leisure activities or parties among the locals will help in developing a healthy
relation
Suggestion
relationship
 among the neighbours.
For instance
, I was staying in an apartment for about six months. Due to my hectic work, I was not in touch with anyone in the apartment it was during the
diwali
Suggestion
Diwali
 holidays a get-together was arranged, during the
event I
Accept comma addition
event, I
 got introduced with my neighbours and now I am maintaining a good relation with everyone. To conclude, as much as the people are getting self sustained, it
eventually result
Suggestion
eventually results
 in
decline
Suggestion
a decline
declines
 in value of
relationship
Suggestion
relationships
the relationship
. It is mainly due to the lack of face to face
to
Suggestion
in
 conversation, so we should encourage ourself to be more social, it
will makes
Suggestion
will make
 the
relationship
 among the people more stronger.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rapid urbanization
  • Densely populated
  • Personal connections
  • Digital communication
  • Face-to-face conversations
  • Fast-paced lifestyle
  • Community engagement
  • Transient nature
  • Urban designs
  • Community gardens
  • Recreational facilities
  • Community events
  • Neighborhood associations
  • Social gatherings
  • Local networking
  • Civic activities
  • Sense of community
  • Fostering
  • Mutual understanding
  • Sense of belonging
  • Sense of responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: