IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that obesity is one of the deadly problems in Today’s world.Many kids in urbanized countries are becoming obese due to their wrong eating habits.
This
Linking Words
 is a severe problem for those countries. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both causes and effects of
this
Linking Words
 problem. Many people in the developed countries have no helping hand at
home
Use synonyms
 and they need to do all the work by themselves. In
such
Linking Words
 a case, it is a tedious task to cook
food
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
. In the US, children mostly tend to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 or processed
food
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many children love eating burgers from McDonalds’ and Pizza from Dominos or even Tim Horton’s. These processed foods have a substance which makes it tasty and helps in gaining weight. In order to avoid
such
Linking Words
 foods, Parents should try and make
such
Linking Words
 foods at
home
Use synonyms
 as an alternative to eating outside. In
such
Linking Words
 a way, children will eat healthy and
also
Linking Words
 love the
food
Use synonyms
 cooked at
home
Use synonyms
. Nowadays, in the US both parents work to make ends meet. By eating junk
food
Use synonyms
, children tend to fall sick more frequently.
For instance
Linking Words
, most children in the US are prone to
food
Use synonyms
 infection and stomach ache because of the bad eating habits. If children and adults exercise
regularly
Accept comma addition
regularly, then
then
Linking Words
 they can remain fit and healthy. Obesity is one
such
Linking Words
 bad disease; it is very difficult to reduce weight once gained. To summarize, eating healthy and exercising regularly can help reduce obesity. People should start walking
instead
Linking Words
 of using the vehicle for short distances

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: