IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which cause many health problems. Sugary products should be more expensive to encourge people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In today's world, the excessive amounts of sugar contained in processed products can lead to various health problems.
While
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 some argue that the prices of these products should be increased in order to encourage people to maintain a healthy diet, I firmly disagree with
this
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 perspective, since I am inclined to believe that making conscious choices is a personal responsibility. One compelling argument against
this
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 perspective is the high level of public awareness regarding the consequences of consuming unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and beverages. Nowadays,
due to
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 significant medical advancements and the rapid spread of health-related information, the vast majority of people are able to make their own conscious decisions about diet.
In addition
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, countless magazines and online articles are focused on healthy living.
For example
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, BBC News frequently discusses important topics related to healthy eating habits and the effect of
food
Use synonyms
 on our bodies.
This
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 indicates that people today are well-informed and capable of making informed choices rather than acting on impulse. Another significant factor is that individuals from high-income groups possess considerable financial resources.
As a result
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, increasing the prices of
food
Use synonyms
 will not force them to stop consuming unhealthy
food
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.
For instance
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, Singapore is a rich country with a high proportion of wealthy individuals.
Consequently
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, rising product costs will not affect them.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 measures can negatively impact low-income groups who already struggle with a lack of healthy eating options. They may simply turn to alternative unhealthy foods.
This
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 demonstrates that maintaining a healthy lifestyle is a person's responsibility. In conclusion,
although
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 some believe that increasing product costs can contribute to healthier living, I think that personal responsibility plays a more significant role in leading a healthy lifestyle.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to always clearly present your main points in the introduction.
task achievement
Try to give a bit more detailed examples to support your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure all ideas connect well with each other for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in following your argument.
task achievement
You demonstrate good awareness of the health issues related to sugar consumption.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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