IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that people who are over 60 years old should retire and stop working. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #years
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While someone argues that the elderly should not work after 60 years old, I believe that they are
experienced
Suggestion
experiencing
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
forces
Suggestion
force
 to the society. On one hand, it is undeniable that the elderly are another abundant source of
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 force. As we all know, the problem of aging population is deteriorating and becoming worse. In Hong Kong, no teenagers are willing to interview low skilled jobs. Imagine if there
are
Suggestion
is
 nobody to tidy up the streets, the hygiene of
city
Suggestion
the city
 will be detrimental.
Hence
Linking Words
, the limitations imposed on elderly that definitely reduces the number of workers and affects the society negatively.
In addition
Linking Words
, the elderly may find their retirement boring because they do not work. Working is not just earning a living, but it is
also
Linking Words
 giving the spiritual support for them According to Maslow's theory, the sense of achievement is crucial and beneficial to
Use synonyms
health
Suggestion
the health
 of human. The elderly who works successfully obtain the certain level of satisfaction and admiration from their employers.
Thus
Linking Words
, they should not be exploited the right to obtain happiness of life.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some opponents concern the occupational risk of elderly. Compared with youngsters, the older person whose
health
Use synonyms
 condition is relatively poor. Under consideration of their
health
Use synonyms
, they should not
work but
Accept comma addition
work, but
to enjoy
Suggestion
enjoy
 retirement life.
However
Linking Words
, it is evident that the number of alone elderly committing suicide has arisen recently. Their children do not have spare time to company with their older father or mother. The elderly
feels
Suggestion
feel
 desperate when they have nothing to do.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the law
of
Suggestion
by
 setting up retirement age should not be launched. To conclude, under no account can we ignore the serious trend of
aging population
Suggestion
an aging population
the aging population
 and mental
health
Use synonyms
 of the elderly. The society should offer a helping hand to employ them.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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