Some people think the most important thing about being rich is that it gives an opportunity to help other people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In compatibility

Suggestion

Incompatibility

with the

world

development, the number of dollars billionaires and millionaires has proliferated considerably.

Nevertheless

, whether those rich individuals should offer a helping chance for other people has triggered a heated debate. From my point of view, I totally agree with the argument that expenditure should be spent to aid other persons.

First it

Accept comma addition

First, it

is obvious that helping people by multifarious means could bridge the gap between rich and poor. More clearly, those funds raised by those generous patrons have a bearing on impoverished

individuals especially

Accept comma addition

individuals, especially

in the developing countries to overcome their poverty by

provide

Suggestion

providing

them with foods or fundamental aids.

Furthermore

, the money is

also

being allocated to help them

seeking

Suggestion

seek

to seek

for a job or equipping them with equipment and techniques to

engage in

make

a vocation.

Therefore

, they are able to make a profit and feed themselves.

Moreover

, a lion’s share of funds from those billionaires helps to make the

world

better by confronting with some of the hottest problems

such

as eliminating HIV and raising educational status quo in

such

poor countries.

For instance

, it is true that medical

aids including

Accept comma addition

aids, including

some specialized drugs are working their job efficiently to eradicate the spread of HIV in Africa.

In addition

, other large fractures of aids are being provided to build

school

Suggestion

schools

, buying books and pay for volunteer teachers in some of the deserted areas.

Thus

, more and more poor or unreachable people might have

chance

Suggestion

a chance

the chance

to approach the adequate medical and educational services. In a nutshell, helping others is the greatest way to turn the

world

into a worth-living place. Only doing so can

world

maintain dynamic and sustainable development

Submitted by kirisiva14 on Wed Dec 04 2019

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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