Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think is a positive or negative development?

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Due to

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the development of technology and the increasing usage of

phones

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are increasing, some

children

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spend their time on smartphones every day.

Although

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there are both positive and negative impacts to

this

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, I believe the downside outweighs the benefits.

To begin

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with, artificial intelligence and the sources that accompany technology are significantly important tools for humans to live.

People

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use

phones

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in order to communicate faster with

people

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Correct word choice

and

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spend their leisure time watching videos and playing

games

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. They can save time to write letters talk with

people

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or go to the playground to play.

Moreover

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, there are a lot of resources that they can get easily from the network without finding them by hand.

For instance

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children

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who are living far apart from classmates, they get just pick up their

phones

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and text them. The app, instagram is there for many

people

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to not only communicate but

also

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post stories of what they are doing. It is very convenient for them as they can do it anywhere without going to places.

However

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, there are many detrimental problems to

this

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, as it can be dangerous. More

people

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are vulnerable to getting hacked by someone ruining all their personal data.

Children

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might press the wrong website, making the phone hacked. On top of

this

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children

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who are addicted to

games

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have difficulty distinguishing whether they are in a reality or virtual world.

Also

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, peer groups bully their friends by posting stories mocking that particular person.

For example

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, a boy who is addicted to video

games

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killed his sister because he couldn't notice that he was in reality.

This

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is a serious problem for

children

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and clearly shows the negative influence of mobile

phones

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. In conclusion, as

phones

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make it easy to talk with their mates, watch YouTube, play

games

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, and obtain resources, some

children

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spend their whole day on

phones

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While

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there is

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apply

show examples

Some

children

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spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is

this

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the case? Do you think

Correct pronoun usage

this is

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a positive or negative development?considerably negative impact on them

such

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as getting hacked, causing mental problems, and increasing numbers of students getting bullied online.

sooah1799Sat Oct 26 2024

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supported main points

Improve the development of main points by providing additional examples or evidence to support your argument. This will help to illustrate your ideas more thoroughly and provide a stronger basis for your viewpoint.

introduction conclusion present

Consider refining your conclusion for a stronger closing statement. Ensure it wraps up your discussion succinctly, summarizing your key arguments effectively without introducing new information.

complete response

The essay fully addresses the task, providing a clear stance on the issue of children spending too much time on smartphones and supporting it with relevant points.

introduction conclusion present

Introduction effectively sets up the discussion of the topic, and the conclusion revisits key points, helping to structure the response cohesively.

logical structure

There is a coherent progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on distinct points relating to the positive and negative impacts of smartphone use by children.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

355 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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