IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some rich countries, the number of children at secondary or high school who are the science subject is declining. What effect might this have on the children's and their countries future? How can children be encouraged to study science?

#countries #children #school #science #effect #future #study
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Nowadays, it is observed particularly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed countries that there is a decline in the number of
students
 opting for
science
 as a
subject
 of choice for their secondary and higher education.
This
 phenomenon affects both the future of the children and the
countries'
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countries
show examples
 as well. So, the causes, effects and
the
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apply
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ways to overcome
this
 problem are mentioned in
this
 essay.
While
 discussing the reasons, the most common one is,
most
Correct word choice
that most
show examples
 of the
students
 believe that
science
 is
a
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apply
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difficult to understand the
subject
.
This
 is because the teachers are now more indulged in the aim of gaining money and not
to help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
 the
students
 to solve their difficulties. The other reason is,
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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 school children believe that learning
science
 requires a lot of time and so they are unable to follow their hobbies and other activities.
Such
decision
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decisions
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 of school children may adversely affect the future of the nation as declining intake in pursuing
science
 leads to a stagnant state in terms of new technology which will
also
 decrease the amount of invention that would prevent the formation of new comfort tools. To overcome
such
 issues, it is mandatory to maintain
interest
Add an article
the interest
show examples
 of
students
 for which various novel methods should be included in the curriculum like applying visualisation and digitalised
method
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methods
show examples
 for learning. More efforts are to be taken to provide practical knowledge by allowing
students
 to perform various
practical
Fix the agreement mistake
practicals
show examples
 and teachers should take
personal
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a personal
show examples
 interest
for
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in
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 making it in an easily understandable form.
To conclude
, measures like using digitalisation and more importance
to
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on
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the
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apply
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practical knowledge should be included in
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
show examples
 for
better
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a better
show examples
 understanding of a
subject
 and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 should support
students
 to overcome their
subject related
Add a hyphen
subject-related
show examples
 doubts and fears.

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coherence cohesion
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but there are some issues with the logical structure of the content. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and coherence. The essay requires better development of the main points and better connection between ideas.
task achievement
The essay falls short of fully addressing the task. It covers some aspects of the prompt, but it needs to provide a more complete response with clearer and more comprehensive ideas. It should also include more relevant and specific examples to support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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