IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some rich countries, the number of children at secondary or high school who are the science subject is declining. What effect might this have on the children's and their countries future? How can children be encouraged to study science?

#countries #children #school #science #effect #future #study
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Nowadays, it is observed particularly in
the
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apply
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developed countries that there is a decline in the number of
students
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 opting for
science
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 as a
subject
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 of choice for their secondary and higher education.
This
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 phenomenon affects both the future of the children and the
countries'
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countries
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 as well. So, the causes, effects and
the
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ways to overcome
this
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 problem are mentioned in
this
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 essay.
While
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 discussing the reasons, the most common one is,
most
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that most
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 of the
students
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 believe that
science
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 is
a
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apply
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difficult to understand the
subject
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.
This
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 is because the teachers are now more indulged in the aim of gaining money and not
to help
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helping
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 the
students
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 to solve their difficulties. The other reason is,
the
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that
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 school children believe that learning
science
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 requires a lot of time and so they are unable to follow their hobbies and other activities.
Such
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decision
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decisions
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 of school children may adversely affect the future of the nation as declining intake in pursuing
science
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 leads to a stagnant state in terms of new technology which will
also
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 decrease the amount of invention that would prevent the formation of new comfort tools. To overcome
such
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 issues, it is mandatory to maintain
interest
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the interest
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 of
students
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 for which various novel methods should be included in the curriculum like applying visualisation and digitalised
method
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methods
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 for learning. More efforts are to be taken to provide practical knowledge by allowing
students
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 to perform various
practical
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practicals
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 and teachers should take
personal
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a personal
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 interest
for
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in
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 making it in an easily understandable form.
To conclude
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, measures like using digitalisation and more importance
to
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on
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the
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apply
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practical knowledge should be included in
curriculum
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the curriculum
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 for
better
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a better
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 understanding of a
subject
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 and
teacher
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teachers
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 should support
students
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 to overcome their
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subject related
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subject-related
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 doubts and fears.

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coherence cohesion
The essay partially addresses the prompt, but there are some issues with the logical structure of the content. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and coherence. The essay requires better development of the main points and better connection between ideas.
task achievement
The essay falls short of fully addressing the task. It covers some aspects of the prompt, but it needs to provide a more complete response with clearer and more comprehensive ideas. It should also include more relevant and specific examples to support the points made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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