IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

#children #countries #people #food #outlets #parents #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
According to the latest report by the World Health Organisation, child obesity is one of the growing cause of concern in America, Canada and Europe. With one in every three children obese or overweight, as compared to one in every ten children worldwide, developing countries face an imminent threat to its young population's health.
Such
Linking Words
 situations, usually arise when a child consumes too many sugary drinks and dishes that contains more fat and carbohydrates with no physical exercise. When these children grow, they face many complicated health problems
such
Linking Words
 as cardiovascular disease, diabetes etc.
This
Linking Words
 is due to the fact that during young age, children build up immunity; and as they grow older, their immunity weakens. So it is common for an adult, who was an obese child, to fall ill more often in comparison to an adult who had a regular childhood. But, some people believe that parents are not too careful about what their kids eat.
This
Linking Words
 is true because of the fact that many families nowadays prefer to order online or prepare instant food for dinner.
Although
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 things taste delicious, they still lack the nutritional value of a balanced diet.
Thus
Linking Words
, kids nowadays feel that it is perfectly safe to skip home cooked meals and eat at food outlets that offer more tasty and mouth watering dishes.
Hence
Linking Words
, it becomes crucial for parents to educate their children about healthy eating habits and the ill effects unhealthy eating.
Thus
Linking Words
, we can conclude that moderate amount of fast food along with physical exercises and a balanced nutritional diet is necessary to prevent obesity among children.
Submitted by shettyjim on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: