IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In recent years many local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centers to do their shopping. Is it a positive or negative development?

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Shopping in
department
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stores
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 is more common today than going to traditional or local
stores
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. There are some reasons why
people
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 like buying in large shopping centres.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it will give some small business owners impact on their day-to-day operational activities.
People
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 think that buying something from local
shops
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 is boring because they cannot choose and pick what they want. Sometimes, traditional
shops
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 do not give the best services to shoppers, so they are distraught by
this
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 situation.
This
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 led to negative development in local
shops
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,
for instance
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, small business owners always think about how to increase their income, if the situation is still not conducive at all.
Additionally
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, there are a lot of local
shops
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 that are closing because of the financial conditions.
Hence
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, it creates unemployment and makes
people
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 lazy to do something creative.
On the other hand
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, Shopping in
department
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stores
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 may give shoppers easy access to buy. Sometimes, large
shops
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 give discounts and low prices to the public, so it attracts
people
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 to come.
Then
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,
people
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 are more comfortable going to the mall because they have complete facilities
such
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 as clean toilets, a good food court, a comfort lounge and so on.
Besides
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, some
department
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stores
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 have an online infrastructure to make
people
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 easier to shop. In conclusion, local
shops
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 may suffer from
this
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 condition because shoppers tend to buy in large
shops
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. Small business owners will close their
stores
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 because of financial aspects.
In contrast
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, large
shops
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 and
department
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stores
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 are going to the best choices for
people
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 to shop.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic and addresses both positive and negative aspects. However, try to provide more specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is generally clear, but some ideas could be better organized for clarity. For instance, consider linking the impact on small businesses more directly to the consumers' preference for large shopping centers.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a clear overview and summary of your thoughts.
task achievement
The essay covers the task completely, addressing both positive and negative sides of the development.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic decline
  • job losses
  • stimulate the economy
  • consumer convenience
  • under one roof
  • lower prices
  • erode local culture
  • unique character
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable lifestyle
  • community hubs
  • social interactions
  • community spirit
  • local engagement
  • food courts
  • entertainment areas
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