IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that money must be spent on promoting the use of bicycles in cities while others think cities must spend on public transport discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #money #bicycles #cities #transport
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People
Use synonyms
 have distinct views about whether finance should be utilised
on motivating
Change preposition
to motivate
show examples
 the usage of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 or
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other mode
Change the wording
another mode
other modes
show examples
 of public transport like buses
trains
Correct word choice
and trains
show examples
 in urban areas. And,
according to
Linking Words
 me both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideas are acceptable. On the one hand, supporting the idea of spending money on influencing the utilisation of
bicycles
Use synonyms
 as it encourages
people
Use synonyms
 for
such
Linking Words
vehicles
Use synonyms
. to illustrate, insisting the masses to use more and more
bicycles
Use synonyms
 is likely to influence them
due to
Linking Words
 which
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of individuals will use
bicycles
Use synonyms
 and give up their motorised
vehicles
Use synonyms
 which operate on fossil fuels
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 release harmful toxic pollutants to the environment .
Moreover
Linking Words
, through
such
Linking Words
Correct article usage
a compaign
show examples
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
,
people
Use synonyms
 will enjoy
Healthy
Correct article usage
a Healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
according to
Linking Words
 medical
experts
Add a comma
experts,
show examples
 cycling is the best form of exercise which not only
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
fit
Correct pronoun usage
you fit
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
avoid from
Verb problem
prevents
show examples
 fatal
heart related
Add a hyphen
heart-related
show examples
 ailments .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 consider investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 stimulating public transportation
this
Linking Words
 is because
Linking Words
this modes
Change the determiner
this mode
these modes
show examples
 travelling of is efficient.
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
engage
Change the form of the verb
engaging
show examples
 with their work and study and they want to reach their destination on proper time Since
such
Linking Words
 transport
system
Use synonyms
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
faster,
people
Use synonyms
 can reach their workplace quickly and save
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of time.
in addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, increasing the traffic conditions would be
deterted
Correct your spelling
detected
deterred
 by spending monetary on
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type of transportation facility. Increased number of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 which are used by masses for their commuting with which Traveller have to face Road gems if
people
Use synonyms
 travelling
system
Use synonyms
 improve like appropriate roads, availability of air conditioner, individuals will select buses and trains to travel and leave their own
vehicles
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
system
Use synonyms
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a significant role in traffic reduction.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 me,
along with
Linking Words
Use synonyms
bicycles
Change the noun form
bicycle
show examples
 promotion money must
also
Linking Words
 be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 transport
system
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Ensure the ideas presented are more focused and directly address the prompt. Support each viewpoint with balanced arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing the essay in a more structured manner with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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