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Band 4.5

Some people think that money must be spent on promoting the use of bicycles in cities while others think cities must spend on public transport discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #money #bicycles #cities #transport
People
 have distinct views about whether finance should be utilised
on motivating
Change preposition
to motivate
show examples
 the usage of
bicycles
 or
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other mode
Change the wording
another mode
other modes
show examples
 of public transport like buses
trains
Correct word choice
and trains
show examples
 in urban areas. And,
according to
 me both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ideas are acceptable. On the one hand, supporting the idea of spending money on influencing the utilisation of
bicycles
 as it encourages
people
 for
such
vehicles
. to illustrate, insisting the masses to use more and more
bicycles
 is likely to influence them
due to
 which
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of individuals will use
bicycles
 and give up their motorised
vehicles
 which operate on fossil fuels
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 release harmful toxic pollutants to the environment .
Moreover
, through
such
Correct article usage
a compaign
show examples
compaign
Correct your spelling
campaign
,
people
 will enjoy
Healthy
Correct article usage
a Healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
according to
 medical
experts
Add a comma
experts,
show examples
 cycling is the best form of exercise which not only
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
fit
Correct pronoun usage
you fit
show examples
 but
also
avoid from
Verb problem
prevents
show examples
 fatal
heart related
Add a hyphen
heart-related
show examples
 ailments .
On the other hand
, I
also
 consider investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 stimulating public transportation
this
 is because
this modes
Change the determiner
this mode
these modes
show examples
 travelling of is efficient.
people
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
engage
Change the form of the verb
engaging
show examples
 with their work and study and they want to reach their destination on proper time Since
such
 transport
system
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
faster,
people
 can reach their workplace quickly and save
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of time.
in addition
 to
this
, increasing the traffic conditions would be
deterted
Correct your spelling
detected
deterred
 by spending monetary on
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
this
 type of transportation facility. Increased number of private
vehicles
 which are used by masses for their commuting with which Traveller have to face Road gems if
people
 travelling
system
 improve like appropriate roads, availability of air conditioner, individuals will select buses and trains to travel and leave their own
vehicles
 and
this
system
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a significant role in traffic reduction.
To sum up
,
according to
 me,
along with
bicycles
Change the noun form
bicycle
show examples
 promotion money must
also
 be invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 transport
system
.

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Task Achievement
Ensure the ideas presented are more focused and directly address the prompt. Support each viewpoint with balanced arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing the essay in a more structured manner with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions between paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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