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Band 7.5

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with their parental skills. Do you agree or disagree?

#youth #crimes #parents #skills
In the contemporary world, crime plays
such
 a controversial part in our lives. It is asserted that providing useful knowledge to parents about teaching their offspring is the most effective method to reduce crimes at a young age. The writer wholeheartedly agrees with
this
 statement because of responsibility and parent’s effect on children. It is significant to be aware that previous generations must be responsible for their kids owing to the fact that they are all underage offspring. By
this
, the author means that youngsters are not mature enough to realize whether what they are doing is appropriate or inaccurate.
For example
, mothers and fathers should guide their later generation directly to the beautiful faces of society, giving them lessons to become rewarding citizens is one of the responsibilities of formers.
As a result
, with the fall of young crimes, our society is
also
 developed. Another vital ingredient of the case for giving parents education in training their offspring is because of children's imitation of their adults.
In other words
, whether a child has the right attitude and good personality depends mainly on the parents' background.
Therefore
, adults need to control their emotions
while
 teaching their youngsters,
this
 action will prevent children from imitating impatience and cause a growing number of social problems. It is unquestionably true to say that a healthy environment offers youngsters great developmental behaviours.
To sum up
,
although
 some people claim that offenders must receive a suitable punishment for what they have committed, I firmly believe that previous generations have a majority of responsibility for their kids’ actions
due to
 being role models in their offspring's lives.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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introduction & conclusion
While the introduction clearly states your opinion and sets the stage for the discussion, ensure to avoid repetitive phrases like 'the writer' or 'the author'. Try to introduce varied vocabulary to make your writing richer.
examples
Consider providing more specific examples or real-life scenarios to strengthen your points further. This will make your argument more compelling and tangible.
logical connections
Some parts of the essay could benefit from more detailed connections between ideas, especially explaining how parents' education directly translates to reduced youth crime. Aim to tighten the linkage between your claims and their supporting evidence.
structure
Your essay is generally well-structured with clear paragraphs devoted to each major point.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your main arguments.
sentence structure
You have utilized various sentence structures which makes the essay readable and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • equip
  • psychological
  • constructively
  • foster
  • empowered
  • isolated
  • escalation
  • multi-faceted approach
  • eradicate
  • peer influence
  • socio-economic status
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