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Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US between 1988 and 2000.

The pie charts and table give information about the total value and sources of fish imported to the US between 1988 and 2000.
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The pie chart illustrates the three countries from where the
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 are imported to the US,
while
Linking Words
 the table represents the total value of these
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 in billion dollars for the years 1988,1992 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 was the highest source of
fish
Add an article
the fish
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 importing country
initially
Linking Words
, but
eventually
Add a comma
,eventually
show examples
 the others
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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shipped more
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 to the US. In the year 1988, the total price of the
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 imported to the US accounts for 6.57 billion dollars,
while
Linking Words
 in 1992,
this
Linking Words
 has increased to approximately $2 billion than
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in the year 2000, there was a moderate rise in the price of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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imported
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
show examples
 reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
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$10.72 dollars.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 1988, 60% of the
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 are imported from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 27% and 13% of them are from other countries and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China.
However
Linking Words
, by 1992 the import from others and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China has increased by 19% and 7%, but the shipping of
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by 26%.
Finally
Linking Words
, in 2000, the shipping of
Use synonyms
fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
China is 30%, others are 42% and
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 is 28%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fishes, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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