IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their ability to form personal relationships. Others believe that these sites bring people together in a beneficial way. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #ability #form #relationships
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A large majority of individuals claim that social networking
sites
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 have drawbacks to the young and their
relationships
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 which means that they are not able to establish their own
relationships
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. Some argue that these
sites
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 connect
people
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 beneficially.
This
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 writer is of the initial idea as the temptation of bad content and the impossibility of forming a long-term relationship through social
media
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, despite the benefit of the other side. One key argument is that social
media
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sites
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 bring disadvantages to young
people
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 and their personal relationship-forming ability.
This
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 is because it consists of bad content that attracts teenagers a lot, which affects significantly their thoughts and behaviour. It is believed that teenagers tend to imitate some videos on the Internet to keep up with the trend without considering the consequences.
Therefore
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, bad behaviours among the young can be attributed to bad content on social
media
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.
Conversely
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, there is a viewpoint that these
sites
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 connect
people
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 in a beneficial way.
Due to
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 the development of technology,
people
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 nowadays can easily keep in touch with each other through social
media
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. They can call video or text with their friends, which is much more convenient compared to the past.
This
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 point may be true but face to face is more vital and long-term
relationships
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 cannot create on social
media
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sites
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. In my opinion, forming long-term
relationships
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 or making friends needs more than texting or calling on the Internet which just helps
people
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 maintain their
relationships
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.
Moreover
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, there are numerous tricks on these
sites
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 which are difficult to realize.
Therefore
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, young
people
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 can be cheated
instead
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 of having good friends In conclusion,
while
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 both viewpoints present valid reasons,
this
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 writer supports the idea that social networking
sites
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 have a negative impact on the young and their own
relationships
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-forming ability
due to
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 the temptation on these
sites
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 and the impossibility of forming good
relationships
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 through social
media
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, which outweigh the benefits of the other side
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Task Achievement
Engage more deeply with both perspectives by providing more balanced arguments and examples for each view.
Task Achievement
To enhance your argument, include more real-life examples or statistics to support your claims.
Coherence & Cohesion
Increase the complexity of your sentences and use a wider range of vocabulary to improve your linguistic range.
Task Achievement
Consider elaborating on how social media impacts the quality of personal relationships beyond the aspect of 'bad content' and 'long-term relationships'.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to add a paragraph that specifically contrasts the positive and negative impacts of social media to strengthen your argument's cohesion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Proofread for minor errors in grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and professionalism in your writing.
Task Achievement
You provided a clear opinion supporting one side of the argument, aiding in task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively bookend your argument, contributing to strong coherence and cohesion.
Coherence & Cohesion
You successfully used paragraphing to separate and organize your ideas, enhancing readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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