Overpopulation in many major urban centres around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

The problem of overpopulated cities is becoming an increasing issue across the globe. Perhaps the largest contributing factor to
this
issue is the disparity between economic opportunities and living standards in the metropolis and provincial areas. The solution lies in investing resources into the latter. The gap between the availability of highly-paid work within large metropolitan areas, and those in smaller provincial towns or cities, is undoubtedly the leading cause of overpopulation in the larger economic hubs.
This
leads to larger municipalities facing overcrowding, which impacts their ability to provide the necessary infrastructure and facilities needed by their inhabitants. The reason behind
this
exodus is clearly demonstrated in a recent survey of university students in Vietnam, during which 80% of respondents stated that post-graduation, they intended to work in the country’s two major economic hubs, Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City.
Moreover
, when probed
further
, the lack of high-income opportunities within their own provinces or districts was given as their utmost concern. The solution can be found s how governments balance economic development across their nation. The dilemma faced by authorities is how can financial growth and advancement be maintained in metropolises,
while
at the same time, preventing a decline in employment chance, earning power and living standards in provinces. If the regions of any given country facing
this
situation are to be addressed,
then
a clear solution is to develop powers and taxation away from nations to local government.
This
will ensure that local authorities can invest locally collected tax into educational and economic improvement programs which directly benefit the local community, which in turn will give companies increased incentives to invest money into
such
fields.
This
was evident when the city of Liverpool, in the UK, was given
such
powers.
Consequently
, it was able to achieve the status of City of Culture in 2004, which resulted in a rise in visitor numbers, investment, and an increase in job chances.
Furthermore
, there was a 10% decrease in the number of locals seeking work outside of the region within the 3 subsequent years.
This
is clear evidence that local investment is key in addressing the issue of overpopulated urban areas. In conclusion, all the
while
the problems of those living in small cities are not being dealt with by means of local investment, people will continue to be drawn to larger economic hubs, where they are better placed to find higher quality jobs and possibilities for career development.
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Grammatical and Lexical
Make sure to proofread your essay to catch small grammatical errors and typos. For example, the phrase "lies in investing resources into the latter" could be rephrased to "lies in investing resources into provincial areas." Also, ensure smooth transition and clarity in sentences like "The solution can be found s how governments balance..."
Task Achievement
When discussing solutions, make sure to explicitly tie them back to the problems mentioned. For example, clarify how specifically local investment programs will directly reduce overpopulation in major urban centers, rather than indirectly through economic growth.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain consistency in structure by ensuring all points are equally developed. The paragraph on solutions was a bit denser and could use clearer separation of key points to maintain balance with the problems section.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, addressing both causes and solutions comprehensively.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction sets the stage effectively for the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes the key points well, providing a clear closure to the essay.
Examples
Relevant and specific examples, such as the survey of university students in Vietnam and the Liverpool case, effectively support the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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