IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #money #jobs
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Nowadays, celebrities gain more funds than other people in the society which seems to me that it is a true idea and in fact, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view.
Also
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, some provisions need to be well paid and gain much money than they have today
as a result
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 of the nature of their work. At the beginning, film actors, popular singers, and famous athletes have to get much money than the normal public, because they influence in the whole community and they must play an active role in changing the mindset, bad habits, and
also
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 the life of the others, especially the youths and adolescents.
Moreover
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, they have followers who tend to do the same things like their beloved celebrity.
For example
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, one of the famous football players appeared in an advertisement and he showed his healthy, fit body, after a while, most of the teenagers do their best to be more healthy like him, which is a good impact.
In addition
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,
this
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 influence cannot be done if they are not gaining a lot of money.
Furthermore
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, there are some jobs that need increment,
such
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 as health care professionals, particularly, the physicians. Being a doctor is not a simple work, because they are dealing with the health of people on a daily basis, so they have to be well paid to be more convenient and do their job efficiently and effectively.
For instance
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, the surgeons who do a lot of operations and touch the blood of strangers just to save their lives have to gain a lot. To summarize, the government have to increase the salary of all types of jobs that affect the society,
such
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 as famous people, doctors, and engineers for the purpose of making the professions comfortable and being in a good mood for work.
Submitted by pavly96 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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