The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education

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this

Linking Words

contemporary world, the arts

is losing

Suggestion

are losing

its importance, whereas

faculties namely

Accept comma addition

faculties, namely

science, technology and business are gaining immense popularity. For

such

Linking Words

reason, the

government

Use synonyms

should allot more funds for educational facilities, rather than promoting

arts

Suggestion

the arts

This

Linking Words

essay will highlight why granting finances to an artist is beneficial, but why providing capitals to escalate the literacy rate is more significant.

To begin

Linking Words

with, arts related fields are

essential aspect

Suggestion

essential aspects

an essential aspect

of a society, since it aids in acknowledging the culture and norms of a particular area.

This

Linking Words

helps the people to value the renowned personalities of the past and their sacrifice for the country, and

Linking Words

also boost

Suggestion

also boosts

has also boosted

the tourism industry,

hence

Linking Words

allocating the finances to

such

Linking Words

field is reliable and profitable. To illustrate, the Indian

government

Use synonyms

provides around a million rupees to a museum in Mumbai each year for its maintenance, which is extremely popular among the local as well as the foreign masses.

Therefore

Linking Words

, allocating the capitals is crucial for the

maintainance

activity involved in maintaining something in good working order

maintenance

of the tradition and the value of a particular place,

however

Linking Words

, issues related to other field are more important than the arts.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, an educated youth

are

Suggestion

the pillar of a nation, so the

government

Use synonyms

has the responsibility to focus merely on

such

Linking Words

aspects

such

Linking Words

as education and

healthcare

Suggestion

health care

, and must allot supplementary funds to those sectors rather than promoting

arts

Suggestion

the arts

. Many people in a developing, or even a developed

coutry

a politically organized body of people under a single government

country

still has

literacy rate

Suggestion

a literacy rate

below half percentage, so boosting

such

Linking Words

field will help the nation in several ways, by abating crime rates, poverty related issues,

Suggestion

For instance

Linking Words

, a survey recently taken by the Malaysian Education Foundation stated that, in 2014, after the

government

Use synonyms

provided a free education to the destitute students, 78% are now employed, and the economy of the country is

also

Linking Words

mounting steadily.

Thus

Linking Words

, more the people are enlightened, more developed the nation is. In conclusion, the

government

Use synonyms

should grant funds to preserve the

arts but

Accept comma addition

arts, but

in a limited amount and

such

Linking Words

process should not hamper the progress of other fields.

However

Linking Words

, the discipline like education,

healthcare

Suggestion

health care

and transportation require immediate action and should be invested more than other sectors.

Submitted by ieltswriting19 on Thu Dec 12 2019

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

357 words

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The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

Your opinion

Some people think person happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computers- based on technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?