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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the modern era, the
media
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 is an integral part of our life because it provides
the
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apply
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information about the whole world. Some folks believe that the
media
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 have the right to broadcast the confidential life of the
people
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 but others are against it.
This
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 essay will discuss both prospects in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, some
people
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 think that the
media
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 are entitled to uncover human’s private life. There are two advantages for
this
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 purpose.
Firstly
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, it reveals there would be no censored information in the
media
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 like
newspaper
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newspapers
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, television and the internet.
However
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, the sense of freedom will be increased among the citizens.
That is
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 how the trust appears in the society.
Secondly
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,
this
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 will have an effect on the improvement of the
community
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community's
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 behaviour. Juveniles are looking for
the
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apply
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imitation
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imitations
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 from
the
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celebrities.
For instance
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, many directors and producers tend
into making
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to make
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variety
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a variety
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genres
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of genres
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 of movies, concerning prominent and reputable persons.
On the other hand
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, claiming the coverage of
the
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apply
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personal lives by the
media
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 has both merits and drawbacks. A different kind of social
damages
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damage
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 would be prohibited.
As a result
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,
the
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apply
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cyber criminals
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cybercriminals
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 might be controlled.
For instance
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, frauds
that
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apply
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are related to identification thievery and bank robberies,
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that
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which
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 is why
such
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these
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apply
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crimes will possibly be prevented. A negative idea is that
,
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apply
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the
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a
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 number of
the
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apply
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false rumours will be raised. Journalists certainly write news
on
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for
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 their own
benefits
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benefit
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.
That is
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 because the community would be impressed by
Economical
Correct word choice
Economic
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 and political gossips that stimulate the
people
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’s interest. In conclusion, many
people
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 experience conflicts over the
media
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 showcase. I believe the
media
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 have the right to publicize the personal lives of individuals because it motivates some
people
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.
However
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, others think it ought to be censored.

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clarity
Enhance clarity and depth by elaborating on examples or providing more context. For instance, when mentioning media's revelation of private life, specific real-world instances would strengthen your argument. Also, dissect the negative impacts more thoroughly for a balanced view.
structure
Shift focus to create a stronger thesis statement at the end of the introduction, clearly indicating your stance. Additionally, ensure each paragraph's main argument is distinctly clear for both views to maintain a consistent and engaging flow.
cohesion
Work on precise language and varying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Aim for natural transitions between points, binding the essay into a cohesive whole.
structure
You have a solid introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your arguments, ensuring the reader understands the context and your stance.
content
The essay discusses both sides of the argument well, providing a balanced view that gives insight into the complexity of the media's role in privacy matters.
task response
You have made commendable efforts in showcasing reasons for both views, which reflects an understanding of task demands.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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