Some people believe the media should be allowed to publish private information about people, while others are against it. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the modern era, the
media
is an integral part of our life because it provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the whole world. Some folks believe that the
media
have the right to broadcast the confidential life of the
people
but others are against it.
This
essay will discuss both prospects in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, some
people
think that the
media
are entitled to uncover human’s private life. There are two advantages for
this
purpose.
Firstly
, it reveals there would be no censored information in the
media
like
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
, television and the internet.
However
, the sense of freedom will be increased among the citizens.
That is
how the trust appears in the society.
Secondly
,
this
will have an effect on the improvement of the
community
Change noun form
community's
show examples
behaviour. Juveniles are looking for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imitation
Fix the agreement mistake
imitations
show examples
from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
celebrities.
For instance
, many directors and producers tend
into making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
genres
Change preposition
of genres
show examples
of movies, concerning prominent and reputable persons.
On the other hand
, claiming the coverage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
personal lives by the
media
has both merits and drawbacks. A different kind of social
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
would be prohibited.
As a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cyber criminals
Correct your spelling
cybercriminals
show examples
might be controlled.
For instance
, frauds
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are related to identification thievery and bank robberies,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is why
such
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
crimes will possibly be prevented. A negative idea is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
false rumours will be raised. Journalists certainly write news
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
That is
because the community would be impressed by
Economical
Correct word choice
Economic
show examples
and political gossips that stimulate the
people
’s interest. In conclusion, many
people
experience conflicts over the
media
showcase. I believe the
media
have the right to publicize the personal lives of individuals because it motivates some
people
.
However
, others think it ought to be censored.
Submitted by magn665 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Enhance clarity and depth by elaborating on examples or providing more context. For instance, when mentioning media's revelation of private life, specific real-world instances would strengthen your argument. Also, dissect the negative impacts more thoroughly for a balanced view.
structure
Shift focus to create a stronger thesis statement at the end of the introduction, clearly indicating your stance. Additionally, ensure each paragraph's main argument is distinctly clear for both views to maintain a consistent and engaging flow.
cohesion
Work on precise language and varying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. Aim for natural transitions between points, binding the essay into a cohesive whole.
structure
You have a solid introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your arguments, ensuring the reader understands the context and your stance.
content
The essay discusses both sides of the argument well, providing a balanced view that gives insight into the complexity of the media's role in privacy matters.
task response
You have made commendable efforts in showcasing reasons for both views, which reflects an understanding of task demands.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: