It is better for people to be unemployed than being employed with a job they do not enjoy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people think that being unemployed is better than working in a
job
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that you
don’t
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like. Sometimes, being unemployed for a
while
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could give you a chance to find what you really want. I completely agree with
this
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.
This
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essay will provide information to support my opinion. On the one hand,
l
Correct your spelling
I
totally agree with being unemployed.
First,
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being unemployed can give you opportunities for many things.
Moreover
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, you will start learning new things.
For example
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, you may learn
new
Correct article usage
a new
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language and improve
skills
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your skills
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.
Second,
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when you are retired,you will have more time to do countless things.
Furthermore
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, you will enjoy staying with your family and friends for longer.
Also
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, you may visit
more much
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many
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countries to see new cultures.
Third,
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being unemployed means that you have more
comfort
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free
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time.
Moreover
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, you will be
freedom
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free
and not stuck with a
job
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.
In addition
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, you will have
a
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apply
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perfect mental health.
On the other hand
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,
l
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I
obviously agree with being employed with a
job
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that you
don’t
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enjoy. First of all, most people stay at the
job
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because they want the money.
Moreover
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, even
they
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if they
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don’t
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feel happy with
it
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it,
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they still want to pay for their apartment.
Also
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, they need the money for
a
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apply
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personal care.
Second,
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some people fear
to be
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being
show examples
unemployed.
Furthermore
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, they believe
if
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that if
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they exit their
jobs
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jobs,
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they will never have a
job
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again
,
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.
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Also
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, they
don’t
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have the power to become unemployed.
Finally
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, being employed with a
job
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that they
don’t
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want
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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opportunities to be good in the future.
In addition
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, they can build skills and develop their business to be successful in the future.
Also
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, they can improve the quality of their business when they decide to
enter
Verb problem
pursue
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their dream jobs . In conclusion, being unemployed is a wonderful thing to do.
However
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, being employed with a
job
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they
don’t
Use synonyms
enjoy
have
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has
show examples
a positive impact.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. You say you fully agree, but body 2 supports the other side too much.
task response
Give ideas that fit the topic. 'Retired' is not the same as 'unemployed', so this point is not on topic.
task response
Use one or two clear examples to support each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, because too many can sound forced.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence follows the one before in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to discuss both sides of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job satisfaction
  • Mental and emotional well-being
  • Stress
  • Depression
  • Financial instability
  • Quality of life
  • Job dissatisfaction
  • Career goals
  • Skills and experiences
  • Networking opportunities
  • Social isolation
  • Productivity
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