IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

in many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. this is having a negative effect on the families and societies . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
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 era of
globalization
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globalisation
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, there has been an immense infusion of foreign fast food companies into the local markets of developing nations. Some section of
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 believes that it is proving to be detrimental for native families and localities as it is replacing their home-cooked meals. To which
,
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apply
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 I
also
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 completely accord
with
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apply
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. The major drawback I feel that these foreign food giants have is
they
Correct word choice
that they
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 charge a hefty amount for the food they sell. Global cuisines like burgers, pizzas or even a pack of
french
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French
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 fries
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 pricy in nature. They are marketed heavily by these international brands in local markets.
As a result
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, their cost of production shoots up.
Therefore
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, it adds
into
Change preposition
to
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 the price of
such
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foods
Use synonyms
. The burden of which ultimately falls on the shoulders of consumers.
Whereas
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in house
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in-house
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 meals
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
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 of locally grown raw materials
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 no advertisements, thereby costing far less to produce and consume.
Moreover
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, another point to consider is the nutritional value of these junk
foods
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. Primarily, these
foods
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 are devoid of all the micro and macro nutrients, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 essential for
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 body. Most of them
consists
Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
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 of high saturated fats, which are
proved
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proven
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 to be high in cholesterol, leading to obesity.
Additionally
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, they are
also
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 filled with harmful chemicals like AGINOMOTO, which are used as taste enhancers by the companies. Making them
mouth watering
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mouth-watering
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 and relishing to indulge in.
Whereas
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, it is not the case with indigenous
foods
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 like locally grown pulses, rice or legumes that have high contents of proteins and fibres in them.
Therefore
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, fast
foods
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being
Punctuation problem
, being
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 savoury to eat, have no health benefits.
To conclude
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, as per the
above discussed
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above-discussed
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 points, I stand clear that global fast
foods
Use synonyms
 have adverse effects on the local people as it is low in nutritional content and highly priced, putting a toll on the consumer's pocket.
Hence
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, it is worthwhile to indulge in local delicacies in order to stay healthy and
disease free
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disease-free
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.

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planning
Make your plan clear in the start. Say your view and main ideas.
evidence
Use simple facts and brief proof to back your points.
linking
Keep ideas in one or two lines and use linking words to move from one to the next.
stance
Clear view is shown.
structure
There is effort to link ideas with words like Moreover and Additionally.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • globalization
  • nutrient-rich
  • bonding
  • local cuisine
  • fast food chains
  • convenience
  • processed ingredients
  • sustainability
  • culinary traditions
  • mass-produced
  • environmental degradation
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