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Writing Samples
Band 6

young people spend their free time in shopping malls. This has a negative effect on young people and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #time #malls #effect #society
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The young people are increasingly spending their free
time
Use synonyms
 at the shopping mall rather than playing sports and music.
This
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 essay agrees that
this
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 is undoubtedly an inappropriate b
ehavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
and misuse of leisure
time
Use synonyms
. That's because it encourages teenagers in excessive buying b
ehavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
and can lead to isolation and may develop mental illness. One of the significant harm of
this
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 habit is, it provokes youngsters to buy products which they rarely need. Many shops in malls are usually displaying eye-catching pictures and mannequins to attract consumers, which persuade the youngster to make unnecessary purchases.
For example
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, recent research by the University of Alabama found that around 70% of young boys and girls spent their weekends in the Electronic market. They found out, approximately 50% of them ended up purchasing an expensive gadget like smartphones and laptops and paid electronically. Another disadvantage is, youngsters can quickly become withdrawn and isolated.
Instead
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 of going out for games, they started spending leisure
time
Use synonyms
 over weekdays and weekends in the shopping centres.
As a result
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, youngsters become less socialized and more isolated, which negatively impacts their physical and mental health.
For instance
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, a study was conducted by the British Medical Council revealed that adolescent with the habit of shopping spree has over 40% of incidence to develop depression later in life. In conclusion, I agree that an increasing trend of spending leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in the shopping mall by t
he young
Suggestion
younger
the younger
generation not only excites them to waste their m
oney but
Accept comma addition
money, but
also
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 responsible for making them isolated and sick in the future.
Submitted by drrsali110 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail outlets
  • consumerism
  • advertising
  • local businesses
  • neighborhood communities
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • socialize
  • amenities
  • economic growth
  • cultural homogenization
  • ecological footprint
  • entertainment
  • trends
  • brand loyalty
  • spending habits
  • mall culture
  • local shops
  • health implications
  • job opportunities
  • tourism
  • consumer debt
  • environmental impact
  • energy consumption
  • waste generation
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