The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.

The charts below show the number of Japanese tourists traveling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia's share of the Japanese tourist market.
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The bar graph illustrates how many
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourists travelled to abroad countries between 1985 and 1995
while
Linking Words
the line graph shows the number of
Japanese
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tourists received by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Australia's Share market.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Japanese
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who travelled
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
overseas
soar
Wrong verb form
soared
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over the given period the same is true for the Australian share market receiving
the
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apply
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Japanese
Use synonyms
visitors.
Firstly
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, moving into a bar chart, around 5
millions
Correct your spelling
million
show examples
Japanese
Use synonyms
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
visited
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
overseas in 1985.
This
Linking Words
trend continues to increase until 1990 at around 11
millions
Change to singular
million
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. In
Use synonyms
year
Change the article
the year
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1991, there was a slight decrease in the
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
which is around less than 11
millions
Change to singular
million
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,
whereas
Linking Words
the
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in the
show examples
following two years received a gradual increase reaching exactly
at
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apply
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12 million in the
year
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1993.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
Japanese
Correct quantifier usage
number of Japanese
show examples
tourist visiting overseas reached around 15 million, which is almost double
than
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apply
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the starting
year
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1985. Moving into the line graph, 2%
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Japanese
Change preposition
of Japanese
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tourists visited
in
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apply
show examples
Australia in the
year
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1985 and with the steady increase in the trend the figure reached
to
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apply
show examples
around one in twenty (5%) in 1988. The following
year
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received
slightly
Correct article usage
a slightly
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decreased in market share, but the figure went higher in subsequent years, reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
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peak in the
year
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1993 at slightly higher than 6%.The trend
end
Change the verb form
ends
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exactly at 6% in the final
year
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, year with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • tourist market
  • overseas travel
  • tourism industry
  • international campaigns
  • economic prosperity
  • travel preferences
  • market share
  • fluctuations
  • peak
  • trend
  • attracting
  • destination
  • variability
  • contributing factors
  • currency exchange rates
  • speculate
  • tourism policies
  • competitive markets
  • popularity
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