IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people belive that money is the best gift for teenagers while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #belive #money #gift #teenagers
It is true that teenagers are always desired to have a
gift
. Certainly, one group agrees to consider
cash
 as a presents for their children, while others argued that bank note should not be given to youngsters as a
gift
.
This
 essay will discuss both views, and, later, I will put my opinion. One group is making a stance against presents
cash
 as a token-
gift
 for adolescent related to two main reasons.
To begin
, Teenagers can go astray in early
age
. What mean that they can buy any addiction related drugs, which have a tendency to grow dependency that leads to
further
 addiction.
Consequently
, they become derailed from normal life that treated them as a burden for the family.
In addition
, having money in early
age
 would develop
emotionless
. More clearly, they will evaluate everything in terms of monetary benefits that might be a reason to arise any contentious issue among family members in the future.
Therefore
, banknote should be avoided as encouragement.
However
, on the other side, others argue for providing money as a presents to youngster connected to two logics.
Firstly
, Teenage can do anything whatever they need of saving
this
cash
.
For example
, a report published in the daily newspaper in France, showed that one-tenth adolescent went abroad without any concern from their parents. As they have had enough savings, they did not consider their parents for granting any permission.
Secondly
, savings tendency will grow in early
age
.
In other words
, Teen will try to keep some
cash
 for future necessity which inherently develop the kid’s immature brain to foster an economic tendency towards money.
Thus
,
cash
 can be provided as a
gift
. To conclude, some are always finding reasons to provide banknote as encouragement for boys and girls, while others think a coin should be avoided as a
gift
 in immature
age
.
However
, I believe that any type of
cash
 had been always encouraged in early stage, but
this
 amount should be justified.
Submitted by iqbal_pharma on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fostering
  • independence
  • decision-making skills
  • financial management
  • non-monetary gifts
  • lasting impact
  • thoughtfulness
  • strengthen relationships
  • personalized gifts
  • experience-based gifts
  • personal development
  • relationship building
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