IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many ones believe that children should be motivated to compete with others, while other people argue that team-working and cooperation are more important, and if an individual is instructed to work with others, that
person
Use synonyms
 will be a useful adult in the future. Both ideas will be analysed in
this
Linking Words
 essay;
however
Linking Words
, in my perspective group-working is far vital. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the spirit of
competition
Use synonyms
 has caused the development due to the perfection that occurred among the competitive
person
Use synonyms
. These people like to be the best
one
Use synonyms
as a result
Linking Words
 of that in every champions or
competition
Use synonyms
, they want to indicate their best, and they always think about the
first
Linking Words
 place. To illustrate, Cristiano Ronaldo is a competitive character
that is
Linking Words
 why he strives hard to be the best player in every game and never gets tired so that he improves his skills throughout the time.
Thus
Linking Words
, many people claim that the sense of
competition
Use synonyms
 is an effective sense for children`s promotion.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the power of a group is far more than a
person
Use synonyms
 in order to various abilities that combine
that is
Linking Words
 because cooperation plays a crucial role not only in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world but
also
Linking Words
 during the all-time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, team-work has a better conclusion;
for instance
Linking Words
, if
one
Use synonyms
 could not culminate their work because of diverse issues
such
Linking Words
 as flu, family problem, or lack of responsibility, their colleague will retrieve.
Also
Linking Words
, group-work increases the sense of sympathy among the people, and make the children be a useful member of civilization. To conclude, despite all the positive aspects of being a competitive
person
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as self-development and hard-working, cooperation`s benefits are outweighed. In my opinion,
one
Use synonyms
 who likes
competition
Use synonyms
 can be a helpful
person
Use synonyms
 for themselves;
however
Linking Words
, team working makes people aid society to improve so that cooperation is more beneficial.
Submitted by sabahashemi103 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: