IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015.

The bar chart shows the divorce rates in two European countries from 2011 to 2015.
#bar #divorce #rates #two #european #countries
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The bar chart gives information about the percentage of divorces in
Finland
Use synonyms
 and
Sweden
Use synonyms
 between 2011 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Sweden
Use synonyms
 experienced a downward trend,
while
Linking Words
Finland
Use synonyms
 showed an upward trend throughout the period.
Both
Change preposition
In both
show examples
 countries, divorce rates had some fluctuations.
Although
Linking Words
Finland
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 had
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 mediocre amount, it outraged
Sweden
Use synonyms
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Sweden
Use synonyms
's detachment rate was about 45% in 2011,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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higher than
Finland
Use synonyms
's rate by approximately 81%.
Then
Linking Words
, it rose by almost fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2012.
However
Linking Words
, the figure showed a gradual dive to about 47% in 2014
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and continued to decline steadily to the end of the period, reaching around 45% in 2015 and hitting the nadir of about 37% in 2015.
Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
show examples
 of breakups in
Finland
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 less than 40% in 2011, and it decreased in 2012
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when about
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
Linking Words
 of marriages in
Finland
Use synonyms
 ended with a divorce at almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the figure experienced steady growth during the
next
Linking Words
 two years. It rose approximately 39% in 2013,
then
Linking Words
 surged by around 3% in 2014, and remained constant for the
next
Linking Words
 year, attracting the rate of
Sweden
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by n.kaur48 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, next".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words finland, sweden with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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