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Band 7

In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

#countries #individuals #employers #treatment #government #health #citizens
There is ongoing debate regarding whether
governments
 should take more responsibility for citizens' health rather than individuals pay for themselves.
This
 essay will explore both perspectives and arrive at my own conclusion. In
this
 highly materialistic society, the general public has numerous burdens on their shoulder. It is widely agreed that the government should help share the expense of medical
treatment
 with the population. One of the most significant reasons is that
people
 need to spend money on other aspects like paying a house loan and purchasing household necessities. Compared to combating the rising prices of houses, it is easier to alleviate
people
's pressure directly.
Furthermore
, some
people
 insist on not going to the hospital because of the enormous
treatment
 fee, and
this
 ultimately results in serious repercussions. If
governments
 contribute more to the budget, the health condition of nations will increase.
On the other hand
, what is
also
 alarming is that plenty of
people
 abuse medical welfare. It is undeniable that
governments
 are not able to avoid the waste of
this
 financial expense. Once authorities subsidize the bill for medical
treatment
, some
people
 could take it for granted. In
this
 way, even though individuals pay less for health problems, the quality of
treatment
 could decrease
due to
 the disruption from others. In conclusion, it is evident that the support from
governments
 can mitigate some situations, but
also
 lead to adverse consequences. For authorities, it is essential for them to strike a delicate balance between offering aid and ensuring positive effects.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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task achievement
Task achievement could be improved by providing more specific examples and a full exploration of the topic. The arguments presented are somewhat general and lack deep analysis or concrete illustrations that make them persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion would benefit from a better logical structure in connecting ideas seamlessly from one paragraph to another. Transition words should be used to enhance the flow. Also, make sure to organize paragraphs with clear topic sentences and develop those ideas throughout the paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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