In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

#countries #individuals #employers #treatment #government #health #citizens

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There is ongoing debate regarding whether

governments

should take more responsibility for citizens' health rather than individuals pay for themselves.

This

essay will explore both perspectives and arrive at my own conclusion. In

this

highly materialistic society, the general public has numerous burdens on their shoulder. It is widely agreed that the government should help share the expense of medical

treatment

with the population. One of the most significant reasons is that

people

need to spend money on other aspects like paying a house loan and purchasing household necessities. Compared to combating the rising prices of houses, it is easier to alleviate

people

's pressure directly.

Furthermore

, some

people

insist on not going to the hospital because of the enormous

treatment

fee, and

this

ultimately results in serious repercussions. If

governments

contribute more to the budget, the health condition of nations will increase.

On the other hand

, what is

also

alarming is that plenty of

people

abuse medical welfare. It is undeniable that

governments

are not able to avoid the waste of

this

financial expense. Once authorities subsidize the bill for medical

treatment

, some

people

could take it for granted. In

this

way, even though individuals pay less for health problems, the quality of

treatment

could decrease

due to

the disruption from others. In conclusion, it is evident that the support from

governments

can mitigate some situations, but

also

lead to adverse consequences. For authorities, it is essential for them to strike a delicate balance between offering aid and ensuring positive effects.

Submitted by seanlin12345 on Thu Dec 21 2023

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task achievement

Task achievement could be improved by providing more specific examples and a full exploration of the topic. The arguments presented are somewhat general and lack deep analysis or concrete illustrations that make them persuasive and comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and cohesion would benefit from a better logical structure in connecting ideas seamlessly from one paragraph to another. Transition words should be used to enhance the flow. Also, make sure to organize paragraphs with clear topic sentences and develop those ideas throughout the paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

251 words

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In many countries, individuals or their employers pay for medical treatment. Should the government be more responsible for the health of their citizens? Discuss and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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