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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram illustrates the life cycle of salmon fish in 3 major stages, from being an egg to
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
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 into an
adult
Use synonyms
 salmon.
Overall
Linking Words
, baby
salmons
Use synonyms
,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 hatch from eggs that are kept below the reeds, transform into
adult
Use synonyms
salmons
Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
over
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 a period of 9
years
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 duration, they constantly change their locations as they grow up.
Salmons
Use synonyms
 hatch from
miniscule
Correct your spelling
minuscule
 eggs, which are located in the
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
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 upper river, under the small stones and the reeds. The hatching process takes a period of 5-6 months and the salmon fledgelings are known as 'fry'. They are only 3-8 cm in length and they move from the upper river to a
fast flowing
Add a hyphen
fast-flowing
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 lower river, where they live for approx 4
years
Use synonyms
. After 4
years
Use synonyms
, they grow up to become 'smolt'
are
Correct word choice
and are
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 approximately 12-15 cm in size. Smolts generally survive in
open
Correct article usage
the open
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 sea for a striking period of 5
years
Use synonyms
. Eventually, smolts transform into
adult
Use synonyms
salmons
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 huge in size at about 70-76 cm.
Adult
Use synonyms
salmons
Use synonyms
 are found in the upper rivers as they prefer
slow moving
Add a hyphen
slow-moving
show examples
 waters that serve as their breeding grounds to lay eggs in the reeds.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words adult, salmons, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "slow" was used 2 times.
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