IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

people sleep less than before in many countries.why do people sleep less? what effects does it have on an individual and on society?

#people #countries #effects #society
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Proper sleep is essential to lead a healthy
lifestyle
Use synonyms
. In the present world people do not have much time to sleep as compared to the
past particularly
Accept comma addition
past, particularly
 because of more working
pressuew
the force applied to a unit area of surface; measured in pascals (SI unit) or in dynes (cgs unit)
pressure
 and
stress which
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stress, which
 in turn has severe
health
Use synonyms
 issues for individuals and society as a whole. Primarily
,
Accept space
,
in
this
Linking Words
 materialistic world people want to have
more luxurious life style
Suggestion
a more luxurious lifestyle
more luxurious lifestyle
 due to which they work for more hours to earn better for themselves
as a result
Linking Words
 they sleep less.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
there is more work pressure on their shoulder which leads to enough stress in
theirind
Suggestion
consequently
Linking Words
 they face sleep deprivation.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
large section
Suggestion
large sections
a large section
 of demographics
are
Suggestion
is
 under the influence of modern
lifestyle
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 and are more prone to late night parties and unhealthy diet.
This
Linking Words
 in turn is making them habitual to sleep late and for less hours thereby affecting their
health
Use synonyms
. Every individual
require
Suggestion
requires
 minimum sleep
of
Suggestion
about
 6 hours a day for leading a healthy
lifestyle
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.Sleep deprivation has numerous effects on the
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health causing
Accept comma addition
health, causing
 issues like headache,
migrane
a severe recurring vascular headache; occurs more frequently in women than men
migraine
 and exceeds
frustation level
Suggestion
the frustration level
frustration level
. To add on
,
Accept space
,
it
Linking Words
also make
Suggestion
also makes
 them inactive and affect the body metabolism.Not only they feel
lithargic
deficient in alertness or activity
lethargic
 but interact less with the society.Numerous studies
shows
Suggestion
show
have shown
 that those who sleep on time are more active and have glowing skin. To conclude
,
Accept space
,
sleep plays a vital role
in individual's life
Suggestion
in an individual's life
 as people have to face severe
health
Use synonyms
 issues and it makes them inactive in the society.
Hence
Linking Words
, proper
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 with
healthy diet
Suggestion
a healthy diet
 and less stress will help to have a good sleep

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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