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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others the do not have to start shool until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of theese views?

#countries #children #education #four #years #do #shool #seven #eight #theese
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It is a
quiete
characterized by an absence or near absence of agitation or activity
quiet
quite
quieter
 debatable issue, that when children should be sent to schools in order to start their
education
Use synonyms
 process. While it is common for some countries to start to educate pupils from four years old, but I tend to agree with other states' regulations, which allow children
to begin
Linking Words
 their
education
Use synonyms
 at seven or eight.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the positives of starting
education
Use synonyms
 at an early
ages
Suggestion
age
, it is clear that
earlier children
Suggestion
the earlier children
 start to go to
school
Use synonyms
, earlier they will graduate. As a consequence of
this
Linking Words
 trend, more and more teenagers will may benefit from finishing
school
Use synonyms
 at
an
Suggestion
a
 younger
ages
Suggestion
age
 than in other countries, whose legal systems for
Use synonyms
education
Suggestion
educational
 purposes do not allow pupils
to begin
Linking Words
 to study at four years.
For example
Linking Words
, if a young person has finished
school
Use synonyms
 a couple of years earlier than others do, he or she will have more time to
hace
have or possess, either in a concrete or an abstract sense
have
 a search
on
Suggestion
for
 a job market or start to earn money for living.
As a result
Linking Words
, the governments that implied
this
Linking Words
 system would gain a greater
benefits
Suggestion
benefit
 than those which did not.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the approach of forcing children to study at younger ages might cause severe health problems for them.
This
Linking Words
 is because, when pupils' brains are not capable to manage a bulk load of information, they will may be
demotivated
Suggestion
 and depressed. In a consequence,
this
Linking Words
 may have
weaken
Suggestion
weakened
 their immune systems, which will may become extremely vulnerable
for
Suggestion
to
 diseases. Unlike with states' regulations which allow students to start their
education
Use synonyms
 process at younger ages, children who do begin to go to
school
Use synonyms
 later will be prepared better for
great
Suggestion
greater
 data load, and they will probably outcome these difficulties with less effort.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
healt
a healthy state of wellbeing free from disease
health
 system
will have not been damaged
Suggestion
will not damage
won't damage
 because of
this
Linking Words
 issue, and I believe that children's healthiness
are
Suggestion
is
 much more important than benefits for governments, which may become to
receieve
get something; come into possession of
receive
 benefits from teenagers who are able to work at an earlier
ages
Suggestion
age
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 permitting children to go to
schools
Suggestion
school
 earlier could bring some benefits for governments in terms of increased labour force, but I will give my preference to
protection
Suggestion
the protection
 of children's health rather than governments' budgets, as starting to study at an four years may have detrimental effects on pupils' health.
Submitted by vusal.mehraliyev111 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Early childhood education
  • Cognitive development
  • Social development
  • Formal education
  • Non-formal education
  • Educational outcomes
  • Cultural factors
  • Economic factors
  • Parental involvement
  • Emotional maturity
  • Academic achievement
  • Personal development
  • Educational inequalities
  • Pre-school education
  • Readiness for learning
  • Stress
  • Playtime
What to do next:
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