Should children be encouraged to be competitive in sports and other activities? Or is it better to learn the benefits of co-operating with other people? Discuss both these view and give your own answer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether motivating kids for challenging
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activities is more beneficial or collaborating with other
people
Use synonyms
has more advantages, has been discussed. In my opinion, both competitive sports and co-operating with
people
Use synonyms
around
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
a vital role in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
of one's personality. On the one hand, there are numerous
benefits
Use synonyms
of children participating in sports.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
and foremost merit is that
this
Linking Words
is very important for a healthy lifestyle in today's time.
This
Linking Words
is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
kids nowadays are more into playing online games which
entice
Correct subject-verb agreement
entices
show examples
them to stay home.
As a result
Linking Words
, they become lazy,
unfit
Correct word choice
and unfit
show examples
and,
thus
Linking Words
lead a sedentary life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, encouraging children to take part in outdoor games will not only benefit their health, but they can
also
Linking Words
opt
it
Change preposition
for it
show examples
as a career as they grow old.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can gain them national and international recognition.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, working with different
people
Use synonyms
has countless advantages for an individual's
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
to say, it not only develops social skills
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Linking Words
inculcates other soft skills as well. Collaborating with different
people
Use synonyms
gives a deep insight
of
Change preposition
into
show examples
their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and experiences which can be used for personal
benefits
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, socialising creates
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
with different
people
Use synonyms
, which can be useful to get future jobs.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent survey on the job market in
West
Correct article usage
the West
show examples
revealed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of the
people
Use synonyms
who got the job were referred by their friends
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
may have varied opinions, I strongly believe that outdoor activities and collaboration
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
equal
benefits
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
it is important for children to participate in different games in order to stay healthy and fit, it is
also
Linking Words
very significant for them to meet, socialise and work with different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
its obvious
benefits
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by wajihatrq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing the ideas in a clear and coherent manner. Ensure the introduction and conclusion are present and address the prompt more directly.
task response
Fully address the prompt by providing a more comprehensive response with clear and relevant examples to support the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: