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Studies suggested that nowadays children watch much more television than they did in the past and spend less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons? And what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things?

#studies #children #television #time #measures
In these
Change preposition
These
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 days, children are spending their leisure time with television and other life-waster devices
such
 as gaming consoles and smartphones. They must stop using them and focus on the activities
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example, reading, researching and writing poems. I
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
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 that they have to spend many hours with cultural studies, art or music.
However
, they're not very interested in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of hobbies. Electronic devices are stealing
this
 generation's moment and making them uncreative persons.
For instance
, the invention of the game consoles is to entertain people with attractive games and high graphics. These effects are making them silly and we have only one solution to solve that situation. We have to educate our children at school by giving them a time management lesson.
Otherwise
, they might not learn how to manage their life. Every country needs to use the knowledge of their new generations.
Government's
Correct article usage
The government's
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 duty is to educate and raise them correctly and wisely. The government must add creative and supportive lessons to raise a useful and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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productive generation. If we compare
this
 generation with the previous one, we will clearly see the main difference is undoubtedly the hours that spending at home
instead
 of getting out. The main reason is obviously the improvement of the technology. In conclusion, they are spending too much of their days with television,
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 etc. We have to educate them correctly
by
Change preposition
through
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 lessons or commercials. If we leave them alone, they might be the new slaves of the technology. The world is changing quickly and we have to shape ourselves over time.
Submitted by umutcerin on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear introduction and conclusion that summarize the main points of the essay. Develop each main point with more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on the reasons and measures to encourage children to spend more time on active or creative things. Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the given topic and stay focused on the task at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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