IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in rich countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#obesity #countries #support
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It is true, that overweight became a huge issue for the
last
Linking Words
 couple decades. Mostly it has influenced people from reach and developed countries. Let us discuss the
problem
Use synonyms
 and try to find some solutions for decreasing
this
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 issue and keep residents more healthy.
Firstly
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, in my opinion, the main reason of obesity it is
unthelthy
not in or exhibiting good health in body or mind
unhealthy
 food
such
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 us
Use synonyms
fastfood
Suggestion
fast food
, french fries and soda drink. In developed
countries it
Accept comma addition
countries, it
 is so much popular and
cheap so
Accept comma addition
cheap, so
 people allow to eat
Use synonyms
fastfood
Suggestion
fast food
 every
day
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, when humans
is
Suggestion
are
 a very busy during the
day
Use synonyms
, and in the evening coming back to home and,
ofcourse
Suggestion
of course
, have not time and
pover
possession of controlling influence
power
 for cooking the dinner, so they just choose
easy
Suggestion
the easiest
 way and buy
Use synonyms
fastfood
Suggestion
fast food
.
As a
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result after
Accept comma addition
result, after
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
 eating burgers, fries and drinking pubs during the couple years, they possibly can get
obesity
Suggestion
obese
 and, in additional, problems with heart or
worce
(comparative of 'bad') inferior to another in quality or condition or desirability
worse
was
 cancer.
Secondly
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, another
couse
give rise to; cause to happen or occur, not always intentionally
cause
case
course
 of
overweight there
Accept comma addition
overweight, there
 are not enough level of moving activity and physical
exersises
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercises
exercise
,
becouse
for the reason that; on account of
because
 most residents of urban countries spend their
day
Use synonyms
incide
internal to, not outside; located in the bounds of
inside
 the offices.
As a result
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, they possibly can get problems with healths too.
However
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, I suppose, for reducing
this
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problem
Use synonyms
 government should decrease
amount
Suggestion
the amount
 of advertising of
Use synonyms
fastfood
Suggestion
fast food
 companies on TV and media and increase
emount
a quantity of money
amount
 of sports facilities in big cities. In conclusion, the
overweight it
Accept comma addition
overweight, it
 is a really big and
huge
Suggestion
a huge problem
problem
Use synonyms
 for all the people and their healths around the world, but if provide some methods for solving
this
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problem
Use synonyms
, in coming years it possible take under control.
Submitted by patel.suhag01 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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