IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children’s behavior.

#amount #violence #television #impact #children’s #behavior
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Television
Use synonyms
 and other forms of entertainment have a strong effect in developing the values and influencing the
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 of children. Sadly, the majority of today’s
television
Use synonyms
 programs show inappropriate violent content. If watched under adult supervision,
this
Linking Words
 negative impact can
also
Linking Words
 be prevented. I partially concur that violent
television
Use synonyms
 programs
has
Suggestion
have
 a negative effect on a minor’s
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. Violence is an everyday occurrence in our
society
Use synonyms
 and the
way
Use synonyms
 media presents it in every
way
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact. Watching frequent violence desensitizes children making them immune to the fear of disturbing activities taking place in the
society
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, youngsters find it difficult to differentiate between the real world and the harsh incidences around.
This
Linking Words
 sometimes attempt to imitate
activities broadcasted
Accept comma addition
activities, broadcasted
 on the
television
Use synonyms
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the media and
television
Use synonyms
 are considered to be the mirror of the
society
Use synonyms
 we live in.
Therefore
Linking Words
, violent content makes children more conscious and aware of the darker side of
society
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
, children at a young age can think of methods and practices to improve their future. In fact, violence is shown in a more entertaining
way
Use synonyms
 so that people can enjoy as well as get a moral which the show is trying to deliver. To wind up, some people believe that children who are exposed to violent content play more aggressively and have a different type of
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. But with parental surveillance, the time spent watching TV can be moderated by spending it on more beneficial activities like reading or developing other hobbies.
Submitted by patel.suhag01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: