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Band 3.5

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parents should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way.

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Many commentators are of the view that the
hours
a dwelling that serves as living quarters for one or more families
house
 exhausted by latter-day adolescents in watching television or sticking to computer screen should be sternly alleviated considering the noxious impact
this
 can have on their growth. I completely agree with
this
 statement and would elaborate my opinion in the below paragraphs. Indubitably, these magnetic forms of media have proved to cause distraction to young minds leading to attenuation of concentration necessitous for elementary learning. There have been surveys showing that teenagers who invest ample of their valuable time in being glued to
television
Suggestion
the television
 or computer often end up getting
low score
Suggestion
low scores
a low score
 in examinations.
Furthermore
, the content available on these influential platforms greatly varies from worthwhile to
disruptive
Suggestion
disrupt
 with the latter being actively prevalent. A case in point is popular advertisements of tobacco and junk food joints which aggravate the proneness of
younger generation
Suggestion
the younger generation
 towards them. Ostensibly, protracted indulgence in
such
 visual display units can result in deterioration of health as the pernicious ultraviolet rays can adversely impact the eyes and proper functioning of
brain
Suggestion
the brain
. There have
also
 been evidences of them
causing
Suggestion
are causing
cause
 chronic diseases
such
 as brain and skin
cancer so
Accept comma addition
cancer, so
 curtailing the augmented involvement of children in these machines is imperative. To conclude, from my perspective, there is an immediate indispensable need of truncating the time that younger people spend engrossed in television or computers to promote development of a knowledgeable and healthy future generation.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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