IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #free-time #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether
television
Use synonyms
 is a blessing or a curse has been a controversial topic since innovation till recent days. It is well known about
television
Use synonyms
 supremacy over many peoples’ free time, and it can make people lazy and strains them from socialising with their peers or relatives. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will show why I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion. On the one hand,
television
Use synonyms
 distracts people from
health
Suggestion
healthy
 exercise. Because
television
Use synonyms
 is amusing and considered as a time-killer, people often forget to have their daily exercise,
accordingly
Linking Words
, obesity rate increases.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
television
Use synonyms
 is not only increasing obesity among people, but
also
Linking Words
 has a negative effect on
muscles
Suggestion
the muscles
 and blood pressure because of the habit of eating while watching
television
Use synonyms
. According to the recent report by the red-cross organisation on 2018, obesity and cardiovascular
diseases
Suggestion
disease
disease's
 rate
is
Suggestion
are
 over 70%
to
Suggestion
of
 people who spend all night watching
television
Use synonyms
 programs.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
television
Use synonyms
 negatively affects
sociality
Suggestion
-integral skills among people.
Although
Linking Words
 the family can gather around in the same house watching
television
Use synonyms
,
television
Use synonyms
 has a detrimental effect on peoples’ integration with
wider span
Suggestion
a wider span
wider spans
 of relatives,
for instance
Linking Words
; peers and neighbours. Due to the addiction of
television
Use synonyms
, people cannot flee from movies or series,
therefore
Linking Words
, their communication with the outside community declines slowly. According to a new survey by the EGYPTIAN supreme national committee of multimedia, the tendency to become solitary people increases among those who no spent their free time watching televisions. To conclude,
television
Use synonyms
 distracts people from looking after their health and
dietary
Suggestion
diet
, while
also
Linking Words
 increases tendency to switch to solitary people due to lack interaction with foreigners. Because of the above mentioned reasons I withstand the notion that
television
Use synonyms
 has more detrimental effects on our lifestyle.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: