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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agrees how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society

#history #people #dream #society #haven’t #element
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People
Use synonyms
 still have a dream about a perfect
society
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 and try to enhance it constantly by improving aspects of
society
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. In my opinion, the most important element is that we have not actually found realistic solutions to approach a perfect community.
Education
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 is of crucial importance as it lays the foundation
in
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for
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 the construction of an ideal
society
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.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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education
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 may have
direct
Add an article
a direct
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 impact on different
aspect
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aspects
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 of
people
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such
Linking Words
 as academics, mindset, knowledge, perception, and professional skill,
as well as
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 on communications
society
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.
Therefore
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, increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
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 is the best way to boost the number of high-quality workers.
For instance
Linking Words
, thanks to Bill Gates’ Microsoft Office program,
people
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 can store more information,
more
Correct word choice
and more
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 material over many years without
many efforts
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much effort
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 don’t need to waste too much time,
papers
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paper
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 and space to store.
Besides
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,
this
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also
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 allows employees to be just as productive at home as they could be if they were sitting in front of a computer in their office. That makes the efficiency of the business increase considerately.
Additionally
Linking Words
, that helps members of a professional class focus on social issues
such
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 as polluted environment or social evil etc. From my perspective, to have a perfect community the most important factor should be that citizens have a wise decision in electing an appropriate leader. Definitely, nations cannot develop and succeed without powerful leaders. Thanks
for
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to
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 the
education
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 developed, it has provided
society
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 with many
people
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 of great talent.
Then
Linking Words
 the elect can help the country propose optimal solutions.
For example
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, they have invested in universities
like
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by
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 providing students with scholarships or
assist
Wrong verb form
assisting
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 them
in
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with
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 school fees. At the same time that helps students to develop the skills and knowledge employers need.
Besides
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, scholarships can support them to approach
international
Correct article usage
the international
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 environment and collect useful experiences.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in the future, they will become good citizens and bring back practical knowledge to
let
Verb problem
make
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society
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 better and better.

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task response
Ensure the examples provided directly support the main points and are clearly explained.
coherence and cohesion
Add more transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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