People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before. Is it a positive or negative development?

#people #money #development

There is an opinion that nowadays as people obtain more

money

, they spend

great portion

Suggestion

a great portion

of it on variety targets.

Although

there are

number

Suggestion

a number

of benefits in

this

development occurring

Suggestion

people, I believe the drawbacks involved more. On the plus side, there are some advantages for people.

To begin

with, gaining more

money

people can be

affordable

Suggestion

afford

afforded

more than before. Simply put, as people earn more income it leads to they become more affordable to buy or shop their latent needs. Take shopping which is a common controversy as an example; they can shop thing they don’t really

need but

Accept comma addition

need, but

result

Suggestion

a result

the result

of advertisements they think they need them as they become richer by gaining more

money

Furthermore

, people could obtain whatever things appear in their mind or thing they wanted when they were a child as they gain more income

then

conjunction used in comparatives

than

this

may be

contributes

Suggestion

contributing

to feeling better about themselves.

However

the downside cannot be ignored. The most axiomatic argument is concerned with purchasing more latent needs as people become richer by obtaining more revenue. Considering that, generally speaking, it can be an inevitable fact that whenever people obtain more revenue they may be

spend

Suggestion

spending

they

of them or themselves

their

money

on thing that they don’t really need and

this

result in people don’t pay attention about the necessary and crucial topics. A good illustration of

this

is people’s child future may be ignored.

Moreover

, purchasing or spending

money

on things are not crucial demand as people obtain more income maybe become

significant contributor

Suggestion

a significant contributor

significant contributors

to consumerism which is

this

decade concern. To conclude, regardless of benefits, there are a number of drawbacks involved in

this

trend are by no means negligible. In my opinion, Spending more

money

as people gain more revenue will bring about many issues that stated former

Mon Jan 06 2020

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

298 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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People spend a lot of money on various things as they earn more money nowadays than before. Is it a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

In many parts of the world, people rely on private cars for transportation. In what ways does reliance on private cars affect the way we live? Do the effects tend to be positive or negative?

Nowadays more and more older people who need employment have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are the solutions?

Air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution, and airport construction. Some people say that government should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more heavily. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, using the internet in schools is getting more popular. In this a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?