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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion.

In
this
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 globalised era, there is a colossal upsurge in the trend to see people discussing that globalisation gives consumers a great option.
Whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others
states
Correct subject-verb agreement
state
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 that
,
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apply
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 it affects the nature of a country and employment opportunities are unstable. Thereby, in my opinion, laws must be enforced to protect nature and to reduce job redundancies. To commence with, compelling pieces of evidence prove that there is a plethora of advantages in globalisation.
Firstly
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, it provides a wide variety of options for consumers. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 goods provided in different countries are imported
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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together
Use the right word
altogether
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 and are readily available in all supermarkets.
For example
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, rosemary is the herb
gives
Correct pronoun usage
that gives
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 scrumptious tastes to pizza, but
this
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 could not be harvested in humid countries like India
,
Punctuation problem
;
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consequently
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, it can be imported from overseas,
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likewise
Add a comma
likewise,
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 with the help of
global
Correct article usage
the global
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market
Punctuation problem
market,
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 people could have a range of products to use.
However
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,
on the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it has some downsides. First of all, even though it provides employment opportunities,
still it
Correct word order
it still
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could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be a stable one.
This
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 is because the international companies which
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
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 jobs in developing countries can be moved to other nations where labour is cheap.
Moreover
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, global trades create more waste and pollution by manufacturing loads of goods, which apparently cause detrimental effects to the environment.
For example
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,
according to
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 a recent survey, around 65% of landfills are from industrial wastes and 20% is from throw-away products, which proves that these multinational markets
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 huge impacts on our nature.
To conclude
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, globalisation provides informed choices to people, still the downsides outweigh the advantages because it
has
Verb problem
offers
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 no job security to the employees of global companies and it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 harmful effects to our environment. In my opinion, there should be a global regulation for salaries
along with
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 laws to protect the environment.

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tip
Explain more about each point and give clearer examples to back up ideas.
tip
State your view in the intro and keep a strong, clear opinion in the conclusion.
tip
Link ideas with clear joining words and use one idea per paragraph.
tip
Check grammar and word choice to avoid errors that hide meaning.
strength
The essay shows a real attempt to discuss both sides and to state an opinion.
strength
There is a clear structure with introduction, body and conclusion.
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