IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that a law should exist so that young people under 18 cannot be out after the midnight, others think it should not be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Young people are indeed a group of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, which should be protected. A vast majority
doesn'
Correct subject-verb agreement
don't
show examples
t
Use synonyms
 have enough experience to protect themselves fully, so how to ensure
safety
Add an article
the safety
show examples
 of young generations remains a highly controversial issue.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I think that
such
Linking Words
 a strong law, which
prohibit
Correct subject-verb agreement
prohibits
show examples
 students
to go
Change preposition
from going
show examples
 away late, doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 solve the problem. Personally, I believe that
such
Linking Words
 an approach won'
t
Use synonyms
 decrease
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate and it would cause other serious problems.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, going late at night doesn'
t
Use synonyms
 necessarily put you in a dangerous position. The statement that darkness means danger can be discussed and argued.
According to
Linking Words
 an article which I recently read,
statistically
Add a comma
statistically,
show examples
 crimes don'
t
Use synonyms
 occur during the night more during the day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some places are utterly free every time, they are highlighted constantly and no risk would emerge there. It's a highly controversial statement that night activity should be controlled so much.
Secondly
Linking Words
, a strong law like
this
Linking Words
 definitely makes a young person less free and doubly possible benefits cost
such
Linking Words
 a high price. I could imagine myself being in
such
Linking Words
 a situation and I would be quite depressed
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 illogical and strict approach. Even in my
family
Add a comma
family,
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 any prohibition would somehow destroy my relationship with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
show examples
. Speaking of the government, the risk
to raise
Change preposition
of raising
show examples
 generations who would like anarchy emerges.
To sum up
Linking Words
, a law shouldn'
t
Use synonyms
 make so strong restrictions on a person's liberty. In conclusion, strong methods of solving problems don'
t
Use synonyms
 prove themselves as reliable ones, especially in situations when their usage is not justified.
Overall
Linking Words
, our society should tend to find compromises where possible.

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your ideas and paragraphs by using more linking phrases and cohesive devices. This will improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or anecdotes to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
language use
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the complexity and richness of your writing, which will positively influence your score.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the topic, and your arguments are relevant to the question asked, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of question, showing your ability to analyze different perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • curfew
  • enforce
  • infringe
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • foster resentment
  • responsible parenting
  • community engagement
  • adequate sleep
  • exposure to potential dangers
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