IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,
parents
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 place higher expectations on their
children
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 to achieve big things in
life
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. One of the reasons for
this
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 is that
parents
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 are competing for a higher status in society; unfortunately, these expectations can result in poor parent-child relations. On the one hand, the urge for upward mobility in society has become one of the primary reasons for many
parents
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 pushing their
children
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 to succeed. In many social gatherings, especially in developing nations, people tend to recount how their
children
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 are progressing or not in
life
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. It gives them a good sense of satisfaction, pride and respect
,
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apply
show examples
 to speak highly of their
children
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 with good jobs, education or migration history.
For example
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, in rural Zimbabwe,
parents
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 with
children
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 based abroad or working for large international NGOs and firms tend to be favoured for community positions, which makes them desire for their
children
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 to migrate or work for big organisations.
On the other hand
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, sometimes
children
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 distance themselves or become resentful towards their
parents
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 if they feel that the latter are overly pushing them in
life
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.
This
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 happens because they feel the pressure is too much for them to handle or that they are being pushed to lifepaths they do not desire.
This
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 way, they may think that they are not being given the opportunity to choose their own directions or make mistakes in
life
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. To exemplify
this
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, several studies highlight that delinquent behaviours by youths can be linked to deteriorating family relationships
due to
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parents
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' and
children
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's conflicting aspirations. In conclusion, in their quest to gain community recognition, many
parents
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 are putting a lot of pressure on their
children
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 to succeed. I argue that
this
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 is negative because it spoils the existing relationship between them and their
children
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, who aspire to pursue independent paths.

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task response
State your view clearly at the start and keep your main point in every paragraph.
coherence
Use simple links like and, but, also, so to help ideas flow.
content
Give more real life or general examples to show your point is true for many places.
grammar
Keep sentences short and easy to read; check for long, hard phrases.
content
Clear view that pressure can harm family ties.
structure
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show two sides.
content
Some real life example from Zimbabwe connects the idea to real life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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