The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

#phone #years #business #phones #forms

Technological developments

Suggestion

are

one of the ongoing current

issue

Suggestion

issues

all over the World. In

this

passage, ı would like to talk about telephones to be

spesific

(sometimes followed by 'to') applying to or characterized by or distinguishing something particular or special or unique

specific

specified

. The number of use of cell

phone

is increasing as time goes by. So

this

trouble could cause harm to our health and communication skills.

To begin

with,

refers to the speaker or writer

would like to negative influences of mobile

phone

over the community.Undoubtedly using

cellphone

Suggestion

cell phone

affect our interactions with our friends and the people around us.

For example

, three days ago ı went to

restaurant

Suggestion

a restaurant

the restaurant

and ı observed the table which is adjacent us and they were just sitting around the table together surfing on their

phone

constantly

Accept comma addition

constantly, however

however

the most worst

Suggestion

the worst

the worse

part is

accually

in actual fact

actually

once ı had finished my meal, ı looked them and they were consuming while they were using their phones. Until we left the restaurant

Accept space

ı am convinced that they never talked to one another.

Therefore i

Accept comma addition

Therefore, I

Therefore I

am able to say that using

phone

Suggestion

the phone

a phone

more than sufficient might make you

Suggestion

unsocial person or the person who does not know how to talk to others kindly.

Also they

Accept comma addition

Also, they

ate the orders so fast because they merely concentrated on their phones. So it cause the problems in your stomach or gastrointestinal system which means it might occur the bigger health conditions

such

as obesity and

hypoactivity

a condition characterized by excessive restlessness and movement

hyperactivity

On the other hand

, indisputably there are advantages

such

as having

conversation

Suggestion

a conversation

, keeping in touch regularly or studying everywhere. To be clear, ı met the guy one year ago who came to watch our basketball

game

Accept comma addition

game, although

although

he had

Suggestion

vital examination on the other day and when ı asked him why did you took

this

unneccessary

not necessary

unnecessary

risk

then

he told me that he already finished

study

Suggestion

studying

during the match by using his smart

phone

However

the most affirmative effect for using

phone

over the public is you can always talk with your friends by face to face or just texting. İn conclusion,

refers to the speaker or writer

would like to say

refers to the speaker or writer

certain

Suggestion

certainly

thought about the using

mobile

Suggestion

a mobile phone

the mobile phone

phone

. I think the harms are more than the benefits for using

phone

Suggestion

the phone

Hence

, we ought to do our time management well.

Submitted by srkngksn on Mon Jan 06 2020

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

360 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones?

Your opinion

is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles, and so on are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe tertiary education should be free, but others say universities should charge students. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

An English speaking friend wants to spend a two-weeks holiday in your region and has written asking for information and advice Write a letter to your friend. In your letter offer to find somewhere to stay give advice about what to do give information about what clothes to bring

The best way to improve health is to exercise daily. To what extent do you agree?

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.