IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some feel that tourism endangers culture while others feel it is beneficial. Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that
tourism
Use synonyms
 threatens cultural heritage,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it plays a key role in economic growth and cultural exchange.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe
tourism
Use synonyms
 brings more benefits than drawbacks.
Tourism
Use synonyms
 as a Threat to Culture One major concern is that
tourism
Use synonyms
 can lead to cultural erosion. In many places,
traditions
Use synonyms
 and heritage sites are modified to attract visitors, reducing their authenticity.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bali, traditional ceremonies have been shortened and modernized to accommodate tourists, diminishing their original significance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the influx of foreign customs and lifestyles can cause younger generations to abandon local
traditions
Use synonyms
 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of global trends. Over time,
this
Linking Words
 cultural dilution may weaken a nation’s unique identity.
Tourism
Use synonyms
 as an Economic and Cultural Benefit
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 significantly boosts the economy. Many countries,
such
Linking Words
 as Thailand, Turkey, and Switzerland, rely on
tourism
Use synonyms
 as a major source of income, generating employment and improving infrastructure. Studies show that the
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry contributes a substantial percentage to
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 GDP.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
tourism
Use synonyms
 fosters cultural exchange, allowing visitors to learn about and appreciate different
traditions
Use synonyms
. When
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 experience local customs, attend festivals, or visit historical sites, they help preserve and promote cultural heritage rather than erase it. Conclusion
Although
Linking Words
tourism
Use synonyms
 may pose risks to cultural authenticity, its economic and cultural benefits are undeniable. With proper regulations and sustainable
tourism
Use synonyms
 policies, it is possible to protect
traditions
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 taking advantage of the opportunities
tourism
Use synonyms
 offers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
tourism
Use synonyms
 is a valuable industry that contributes positively to both cultural preservation and economic development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay is well-structured, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain a consistent flow of ideas. Consider using more transition words to maintain reader engagement.
Task Achievement
You've addressed both views and provided your opinion clearly, which is great. Ensure all parts of the task prompt are fully explored with equal depth to maintain a balanced analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion and personal opinion.
Task Achievement
Your arguments are well-developed with relevant examples, adding depth to the discussion points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural erosion
  • cultural homogenization
  • cultural heritage
  • mutual understanding
  • cultural diversity
  • preservation
  • economic incentive
  • revival
  • authenticity
  • over-commercialized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: