IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people think modem communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. Do you agree or disagree?

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A group of individuals believe that the advancement of
communication
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technology
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 has been playing an important role not only in society but
also
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 at individual levels in terms of making new relationships.
However
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, I firmly agree with
this
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 statement, as
people
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 are experiencing some unexpected incidents in their social
lives
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 because of the misuse of modern
communication
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technology
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.
This
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 essay goes into more detail about
this
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 in the supporting paragraph.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 tend to use contemporary
communication
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 technologies
such
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 as laptops, mobile phones, and telephones to make their everyday
lives
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 easier.
In other words
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, the rise of modern
communication
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technology
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 helps to improve the human lifestyle, particularly through digital marketing and telemarketing.
For example
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, nowadays, a large number of
people
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 are dependent on online shopping through websites, Facebook, and Instagram, as it is not only convenient but
also
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 cost-effective for them.
Therefore
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, the dependency on current
communication
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technology
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 has been increasing day by day in society, particularly among the young generation. Despite the tempting benefits of modern
communication
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technology
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 in
this
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 world, some
people
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 have been facing challenges in their personal and social
lives
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.
Firstly
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, family bonding is being reduced owing to
excessive
Correct article usage
the excessive
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 use of technological devices, especially smartphones, which is why
people
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 are mostly addicted to virtual
lives
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 rather than social
lives
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.
Secondly
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, as making relationships is very easy now
due to
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 social networking apps
such
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 as Facebook, WhatsApp, and Instagram, 
people
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 of any age are inspired to make
an
Correct article usage
apply
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illegal and temporary
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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 to fulfil their biological purposes.
Finally
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, the easy availability of technological devices may be used by adolescents with a view to blackmailing young girls. In a nutshell,
although
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 the progress of contemporary
communication
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technology
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 has made our activities in every aspect of life easier, in some cases it has negative consequences
such
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 as a lack of family bonding, addiction to virtual
lives
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, and a tendency to make short-term relationships among the young generation.

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure your essay directly addresses the question. Clearly state your position in the introduction and consistently support it throughout. Adding specific examples could strengthen your argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to logically organize your ideas and ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs. Use a variety of transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively. Consider revisiting your essay structure to enhance clarity and flow.
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